to my youth - a time travel story

Browser lacks capabilities required to play.

Upgrade or switch to another browser.

Loading…

welcome, stranger! you are about to embark on a journey with our protagonist: nana ly, a recent high school graduate who just had the ability to time travel! you are to help them navigate through their way and see what choices lie ahead when you go back (or forth) in their life. any questions?? [[no! let's get started!]] [[that sounds like a boring protagonist. can i have another one?]] [[how the fuck did i get here]] [[what warnings should i keep in mind before playing?]]

<<audio "chap1" play>> chapter i. infinitely gray by 25時、ナイトコードで。 [[2019.10.15]]

do you think you're the narrator? no! just because your choices impact the story doesn't mean you're going to impact the person you're playing as! nana ly might be a depressed loser who thinks they're going nowhere in life, but they are YOUR depressed loser. now help them out. [[okay! geez ->main menu]]

that is a good question. i assume you know the answer to it, right? i'm going to assume you are here simply because you are curious about this journey after being told of it. so you came here to try it out and see where it will lead you. in that case, just sit back and relax as we go through this together. [[let's go back. ->main menu]] [[you sound nicer here than in the other choice dialogue.]]

well, you were showing me attitude! we need to appreciate our character for who they are! let's go back to the main menu, though. after all, that is your key to starting. [[fair enough. ->main menu]]

"to my youth" includes darker topics of the following subjects that may be triggering for players. while there is no physical or graphic images of the following, there will be mentions of the following... <ul> <li>self harm</li> <li>death</li> <li>depression</li> <li>anxiety</li> <li>transphobia (incidences of misgendering)</li> <li>cancer / terminal illnesses.</li> </ul> once you have read the warning and ensured that you are in the mental capacity to proceed with the story, you may return to the [[main menu ->main menu]]

october 15, 2019. 58 days until i can go home. it's another day of waking up in this pathetic life living in renton, washington. i told myself that i should be happy that i'm here right now. after all, i'm a whole country away from home. i don't have to go to family gatherings where i'll be mocked and made fun of for how i dress and how awkward i am. i don't have to go to church every sunday because i lie to the people i live with and my dad, who is trying to keep in touch with me, by going to the mall instead. i'm able to do my own groceries and also run my own errands by myself. i can live a little more independently. i should be happy. ...but i'm not. every time i go on social media, i see everyone living their lives the way they planned it out. they go to the school of their choice and study for a major they chose themselves. they are living the life they wanted to live it. they are living the dream that they said they would reach for. and here i am, looking at their smiles and joy with an awful feeling in my stomach. anger. not at them, but at my dumbass self. i told everyone back there i'd be in seattle in a cute art school and that i'd major in music. i gave them the image of me being the life of the party. the person who lived in the city. a dreamer who would go even higher than the space needle did in the sky. but i'm not at the cute art school that i've fantasized about when i had a brief campus tour on there. i'm not doing anything related to music. my midi keyboard and my mic travelled with me only to collect dust. i haven't even written a new song in weeks. i'm in a stupid crummy tech school with no major that will let me express myself the way i want to. i'm failing the one subject that i thought i would be extremely confident in and the only way i can feel better about how pathetic my life is... is by sleeping and listening to sad music, going back on my photo gallery to remember the happiness i once had. orlando... chorus... my friends.. my mom... i hate that i put myself here. i hate how stupid i am to get here. i cry and cry all the time about how my life isn't the way i expected it to be when i was the clown who counted my chickens before they hatched. i told myself that i would not relapse... but it's so hard to not do that. especially when i know i should be punished for letting myself suffer so much like this due to my own foolishness. i'm so tired. ... [[finish your first entry.]]

well how else are you going to know about your character? the bookmark shows that this book has already been written in, along with the fact that the pen, while clean, has clearly been used before as it's not that full on ink. surely, there's a lot on your mind that you want to write down somewhere. after all, no one is home yet to listen to you. <strike>not like anyone would want to listen to you at all.</strike> [[... fine. ->write an entry.]]

you click your pen so that the tip no longer pokes out from it, looking over at your phone to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[homework.]] [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you spend half an hour on your laptop replying to the assigned discussion questions and the other half flipping through the pages of a book you were told to read for your english class. it doesn't take long for you to get it done. in fact, the quicker you get it done, the less you have to worry about. the less you feel like a failure. [[there's still time left.]]

you unlock your phone and go through your instagram. you scroll down to see happy faces of your friends with their new friends at their own schools. they're smiling with their dormmates. they're giggling while there's a solo cup in their hands and a friend by their side. there's a look of pure joy as they sit on a bleacher with their school's mascot colors painted on their face. even your underclassmen from high school are posting about their homecoming pictures or pictures with your mutual friends in front of that familiar hallway you've seen before. you wish you could post a picture to show where you are now. but it's not worth putting on a show that will feel ingenuine. and even if you were to be genuine, you don't want to ruin their fun. [[close your phone.]]

haha! surprise! this is a choice that you can't even make anyways. why? well... you're broke! there's a reason why you bought JUST fries and a large drink from mcdonalds, right? [[homework.]] [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

march 25, 2019. i just got back from my trip in orlando with my friends from the music department... oh my god... it was most absolutely the best experience ever. i felt like i was finally a part of a group of friends. i felt like that there was a purpose to me being there with them rather than just stringing along out of pity. the people there treated me well and also listened to the words and opinions i had to say. even when i showed funny reactions to the kind of shenanigans they'd say, they would react and even make me feel validated for the way i reacted. everything i said was being heard. everything i did was noticed. every time i smiled, there would always be people smiling back at me. i drank so much butterbeer. i feel like majority of the cash i spent was just on butterbeer at harry potter world. but it's so worth it, especially since i got to bond a lot more with wade... even though he really just treated me like a pal throughout. i mean... he pointed out how our necklaces were opposites to each other with mine being a bear on the front and a sun on the back while his was a wolf on the front and the moon on the back. and then he ruined it all by saying he was going to get a matching one with his co-star... god... besides that, i still got to be pretty close to him and everyone else. i have to thank alice for that, though. had it not been for her inviting me to be apart of their group, i probably would've never enjoyed florida, let alone an amusement park, as much as i did with them. to be honest, alice did so much for me to improve my mental health. i know it's been tough on her since everyone on the trip besides sana, natalie, and i got casted in the spring show. i really wanted to be part of at least the ensemble, but i suppose i'm not theater material. but with the fact that it's alice's first time in a show and how the director is already making her feel inferior because of it... it makes me sad for her. i wish i could do more for all of them, too. they've done so much good for me after all. i just hope that this trip will make me someone unforgettable to them. because they'll shine like gold in my memories forever. [[close the journal.]]

you close your eyes and eventually drift off into sleep. you don't bother dreaming of anything. there's not much to dream of besides going home. not to mention... dreams are much more enjoyable when everyone else is sleeping, right? [[it's dinnertime.]]

you go on your laptop and type in that familiar link. it almost feels like muscle memory to you now. you look at the whole gallery of episodes. it's a relief that this anime is finished so there will not be any more to add to your dish, but phew... you've got quite the pile to get through. [[take it easy and watch one episode.]] [[i deserve to chill out. watch a couple.]]

you exit out of the app and look up to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[homework.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you close your laptop, looking over at your phone to check for the time. it's 2pm. you have some time before the kids come home from school and after a few more hours, it'll be dinner. what should you to do spend your time? [[go through social media.]] [[watch your current favorite anime.]] [[order delivery.]] [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

after you watch one episode, you look at the time once more. there should still be some time left. what should you to do spend your time? [[read through your journal entries.]] [[nap.]]

you watch a couple more episodes of the anime, finding yourself get carried away with what was going on. after watching two episodes, you hear the sound of the door opening and the kids announcing to their dad that they're home. you didn't even notice him come home until they pointed it out. the father tells them to get to their homework, leaving you with more time to yourself. though, to be honest... it's not like they'd be willing to come and talk to you now anyways. you watch more episodes until [[it's dinnertime.]]

you sigh and look at the clock. wow... you've read quite the amount of pages. [[it's dinnertime.]]

you look outside and it's nighttime. by now, the kids are already home and so is their father. their mother usually comes home a little later. that's usually the time you pretend to "sleep" with the lights down and you covering yourself with the blanket as you go on your phone. someone knocks on your door and you bring your attention to see it's the youngest child: jenna. she's a sweet girl, your favorite out of the three kids. if anything, she's probably your favorite person in this entire house. though she was only eight years old and in second grade, you could tell she had a kind heart and she only wanted happiness for others. it makes you feel guilty almost. the fact that all you've been doing the last few weeks was brood around when she is one of the few people who wants to make sure you're okay. "hi nana. dinner's ready downstairs," she says as she peeks her head in. "are you going to go down and eat?" [["sure. i'll be there in a few minutes."]] [["i'm sorry. i'm not really hungry."]]

you really didn't want to. in fact, if anything, you'd rather be distracting yourself more from this life than go downstairs and be reminded of how different you are from this entire family. they're all satisfied with their lives. they're all living their lives happily and comfortably. but here you were, bringing clouds with you wherever you go and ruining the mood for everyone. but you don't want to make the girl worried. you don't even want to make her father worried. the sight of her small smile warms your heart a little. "okay! i'll let everyone know so we can set the table." she doesn't close the door as she leaves, but it's okay. you stand up from the bed and decide to follow her, closing the door behind you in the process. [[enter the dining room.]]

you feel a little guilty once you see the girl's pout, but you knew what your limits were. for you, it was already a lot of effort to get up out of bed and go down to see a happy family eating together. they would talk amongst each other about how their school day went while their father would lecture them and tell them to focus on finishing their food. they'd talk about their teachers and also their best friends who played with them during recess. meanwhile, you would just sit there with nothing to contribute. you did not have any friends that you got to hang out with often. they probably did not want to hear about how your day went since you spent it all by yourself. you knew that you were only going to be a problem for them. you didn't want to bother. "okay. i'll let them know," she replies with a little nod, closing the door behind her as she walks downstairs. you sigh to yourself. you wish it was easier to explain to someone who has yet to understand how cruel life could be. now, you are [[alone]] .

you approach the dining table. your seat is in the middle as it had been for your first two weeks of living in this house and eating with them. you don't remember when you decided to stop going down. it was only a few weeks ago, but now it felt... weird to be down there. and it was not only like that for you. "oh. you're gonna eat with us," the oldest, jake, said. he sounded like he was mocking you in a sort of way, but you try your best to ignore it. after all, he's a boy in middle school. it's not like he knows anything about what you're going through as an adult. "it's very great to see you," says the enthusiastic yet dramatic middle child, lisa. she always spoke in a silly way. you feel like you could see her being a theater kid in the future someday. you nod your head as you go to the kitchen and grab a bowl, plate, and the typical utensils that you usually get for an asian dinner: chopsticks, spoon, and fork (just in case). as you gather the things, you say a small hello to their father as he's looking over the meal in his pot with a focused face. he looks over at you and his serious look melts into a small smile. "hi nana," he greets warmly. "i'm glad you could eat tonight." you nod your head politely as you make your way to the table. he follows right after with a bowl of green leaf soup in hand. he places it down in the middle of the table near the rice cooker. you watch as everyone digs in and you copy their actions, using the ladle in the bowl to pour some of the soup into your bowl of rice that you scooped yourself. as you eat the food, the kids are already starting conversations with one another. back then, you would sit and listen and try to find ways to use your "grown up kid" wisdom for their trivial troubles as elementary and middle school kids. now, you just sit silently and block out most of it, already wanting to get through one bowl and then go back upstairs to keep yourself from bothering them. when you finish your dishes and put them in the sink, you go upstairs back to your room, shutting the door behind you so that you can be [[alone]] with your dark thoughts again.

there's still some time before you can decide to go to sleep at 11 like you usually do. [[try to talk to a friend.]] [[read an entry.]] [[feel something.]]

is there really anyone who would be willing to hear your problems though? they're your friends. not your therapists. let them be happy, you selfish bitch. [[read an entry.]]

you close your eyes and drift off. you're not excited to wake up and relive the same, dull life that you're forced to live in. at least you could fall asleep and pretend for even just a little bit that you were back to when things were better. [[let's sleep until tomorrow.]]

... [[tomorrow...]]

as you open your eyes, you find yourself internally sighing. though you know that death was most likely going to be a shocking experience, you were disappointed with the fact that you had to wake up in yet another day of this dull life. you're prepared to go through the same routine that you do every morning. get up, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth, get dressed, and then drive to school to go through another boring class. thankfully, since it's wednesday, you get to go to your philosophy class. you like that class... even though you don't really pay attention to the readings. when you sit up, however, you notice something. you're in a completely different room. but this room is not infamiliar. in fact, if anything, you're surprised by how you recognized this room in an instant. this is no longer your "room" in renton that was originally lisa's room. rather than walls of pink, there are white walls covered in posters of the members of bts. it's strange... because you know you never dared to put the posters up in that new house of yours. so... why are you here in your house back in virginia? you look at your phone to look at the date. [[it's october 16, 2019.]]

2019.03.07. today and tonight were easily the best performances of my life. in all of the times i've performed for our kpop club's performances, this year's cultural celebration showcase was probably the most confident i felt in a long time. i know that i'll cringe when i look back on them. after all, i'm not really a good dancer. but that doesn't matter. i'm just glad that i was able to have fun with all of dulcet. i'm so proud to be a member and dance with them. i'm so glad that i got to play co-leader and watch as everyone smiled and shined in their own beautiful way. i'm so sad that i will never get to experience this again. i'll never get to hear another kpop song and imagine myself dancing to it with my friends beside me, making me feel like we're an unstoppable force together on stage. i want to be able to stand on a stage with such talented people again and believe, even for just a second, that i am on their level and that we are showing our true potential together. dulcet has given me the courage to look forward to that in the future. i really hope that once i get to seattle, i can be able to experience such happiness with a group like dulcet again. even though it won't be the same... because dulcet is like another family to me. i've been with them for so long and as a senior, i got to see so many new people show the same excitement that i did when i first joined. i'm going to miss this. i'm going to miss this so much when i go. [[close the book.]]

you leave a bookmark on that specific page. even if it is not the page you last wrote on, you knew a part of you would probably go back to that page again just so that you could read all about your feelings of absolute joy of going on stage for the last cultural celebration show that you'll ever perform for. you sigh to yourself as you stand up from the bed to switch the lights off. you put your laptop back down near your bed and place the journal to an empty spot left on your bed that you knew you'd probably not go near while you're asleep. it's getting late. you don't hear her come home yet, but you don't really care. it's better to not even be aware of that woman coming home than have to pretend while hearing her with her awful mannerisms downstairs. it's time to [[sleep.]]

it's march 7th, 2019. your eyes widen at the date and you immediately click on the camera function on your lockscreen. your brunette hair that you had recently dyed a month ago to avoid rash comments from the "mother" and her brothers and sisters at gatherings... it's instead split hair with blonde on the left side and pink on the right. the dye is fresh, most likely because of the fact that you dyed it the night before your performance at the cultural festival. immediately, you jump out of your bed and walk to the bathroom, noticing the stark difference from the soft pink walls in washington state to the lime green ones here. oh my god. oh my fucking god. YOU ARE BACK IN VIRGINIA. AND YOU ARE BACK ON THE DAY OF THE CULTURAL FESTIVAL. well... now you can say that you dyed your hair last night. [[scream]] [[bash your head in the wall]] [[why are these options are you okay]]

you scream at the top of your lungs at the realization. immediately, you hear someone shout out in reaction to it. "nana?! are you okay?!" a familiar voice. for the last month in renton, you have only heard his voice in phone calls to check up on how you were doing after the move. you only heard his voice at least once a week and it was always through a screen. the last time you saw him in person... even if it was a month ago, it felt like ages ago. [["ba?!"]] [[what does that top option mean]]

after hitting your head hard into the green wall, you fall back onto the opened toilet seat. thankfully, though it wasn't fully lidded, it wasn't fully un-lidded either. that's probably because it's your bathroom and not— suddenly, you hear someone shout out in reaction to it. "nana?! are you okay?!" a familiar voice. for the last month in renton, you have only heard his voice in phone calls to check up on how you were doing after the move. you only heard his voice at least once a week and it was always through a screen. the last time you saw him in person... even if it was a month ago, it felt like ages ago. [["ba?!"]] [[what does that top option mean]]

just go along with the story, dude. come on. don't be a downer. [[scream]] [[bash your head in the wall]]

"are you okay?!" he repeated in response, probably thinking you didn't hear him. you were mainly in shock over the fact that you had suddenly gotten back in time, but hearing your father's voice reminds you that he most likely does not know what is going on. you've seen it all in movies and tv shows: not everyone knows a person is a timetraveller. you take a deep breath. you've got to keep your cool. "yeah! i'm fine! i just hurt my foot." "... okay," he answers. "get ready, quick! if you stay a little longer, you're going to be late for school." "i will!" you shout back in response, closing the bathroom door so that you can take a look at yourself... your past self.... or is it... present self? no matter what it is... you need to get through this day.... once again. you'll find an explanation to it sooner or later... ... [[right?]]

i should've probably mentioned this earlier... but nana ly is vietnamese. however, they've never gone to vietnam in their life. they don't really talk much of it, so you don't have to worry about seeing any of that kind of dialogue on here. anyway, where were we? [["ba?!"]]

<<audio "chap1" stop>> <<audio "chap2" play>> chapter ii. just dance. by j-hope [[2019.03.07]]

it's another day of the same routine. get up, brush your teeth, get dressed, warm your car from the morning frost, and then drive to school. you go through your 8am english class that goes through topics you've already learned before and the professor goes on and on about a paper you are confident you'd ace anyway. though, knowing her, she'll probably find a way to fail you or humble you because of your confidence in your writing. she always does. your life has been like this for the last month or so since school started. when you were younger you thought that it would be much more engaging and vivid. more exciting, even. but so far, it's only brought you disappointment and dullness. though, to be honest... you put yourself in this situation. [[what was the life i wanted?]]

when you lived in renton, you had just gained your license. you drove yourself to school in your black subaru that you had bought from someone who wasn't selling it for much. a few days after you got your license, you popped your tire on the way home from school, cried your eyes out, and then spent a lot of money on getting another tire after your father's friend helped you get through the situation. but now, you're in your father's white toyota van... and he's driving you to school. it feels weird because you technically knew how to drive. you've gotten so used to driving in the last month and now all of a sudden, you are in your father's car. you could've been like the other seniors (or even juniors) who have a parking spot on school. you could've droven your self to school so that you didn't have to stress your father out whenever you were just a little bit late. you take a look in your familiar small, pink wallet... there is no drivers license. "you have a show tonight, right?" your father asks. your car rides were usually pretty silent whenever he drove you to school. you were too tired to say anything and even though he's usually got a cup of coffee in the cup holder, he'd also be pretty exhausted. so it feels weird... to have him say something. "yeah. from seven to ten. i'm going to be [[dancing]] and also [[hosting]] the show."

you are involved in the korean honor society and your school, specifically the kpop dance group "dulcet". you are the co-leader, with your middle school friend, brianna ho, as the leader for this year. you've been a member since sophomore year (2017) and for every single year that there was a cultural celebration festival, you'd perform at least one song. as a sophomore, you performed four. junior year, you performed two. and this year... you are performing one, mainly due to the fact that you've gotten yourself involved with other extracirriculars on the side. it's why you bleached and dyed your hair... for the first time, too! [[hosting]] [[back to the car conversation.]]

this is your first year as a host for the cultural celebration festival. you and your other friends (hailey and raveena) have been practicing for the last few days for the script that you three wrote to introduce the acts for the show. however, your mcing act is only for the night performance. either way, the three of you are excited for it. though you think you're more excited over the dancing performance. [[dancing]] [[back to the car conversation.]]

"okay. what time do you want me to pick you up?" you don't expect him to be there for the performance. you never do. it's hard to impress someone with conservative expectations regarding the arts. still... you're a little disappointed, but you don't let him know that. it's not like he'll understand your emotions anyway. "you can come around 10:30. i'll probably stay after to talk to everyone there." "okay." you arrive at the "kiss-and-ride" of your school and he hits the brake for you. "have a good day, then." you nod. "stay safe," you reply to him, grabbing your school bag at your feet and then getting out of the car. you wonder how you will go through the day after having experienced it all already. [[time for school.]]

the school day goes by quickly. you get through your first class of the day and your "home-room" half period. right now, you're supposed to go to a different classroom that you have on your schedule to either chat with your friends (if you had them) in that one class, study, or nap. today... you're going to the classroom for your fifth period... chorus class. your favorite class of the year. you enter the room and you see your usual group of chorus friends that you would soon accompany with on the chorus trip to orlando, florida where you will go to universal studios. this group of chorus friends were what you named "the rebel treble", as you guys are 5/8 of the eight-membered acapella group within the chorus department. you had another member who was in this class, but she had her own group of friends. as for the other two members... they were in a another class with three of the girls here. you sit down with them like you usually do. you never really talk much within them. you were a recently recruited friend in their group, so they've already had established connections within each other. but either way, you liked listening to them go on about their crazy conversations. not to mention, the leader, natalie a.k.a the most responsible and kindhearted member, was always willing to involve you with their conversations... along with alice, the main reason why you were accepted into the acapella group in the first place. speaking of which... [[she's talking to you right now!]]

"my GOD you look so GOOD with your hair. i am absolutely eating it up." you expected that kind of response from her, but you still can't help from feeling flattered. you giggle sheepishly. "thank you, thank you," you respond. "honestly, i was nervous about whether or not it would look good on me or not. the pink is not as vibrant and also i got called an e-girl." "i mean..." she smiles and shrugs. "you kinda do like one. but you're definitely pulling it off! i'm all here for the new hair color change." "i think blonde is a really good color on you, to be honest," another friendly and funny member, bernadette (a.k.a bernie), speaks up. she's someone you admire greatly, as she's also an aspiring composer like yourself. you both have your first two periods (music creation technology) together, but you two mainly interact through chorus class and during rebel treble practice. "this is for your performance for that festival thing, right?" molly, the member that you are not the most closest to despite her hyperactive energy, asks. you nod your head excitedly. "it'd be great if you guys are able to come for the evening showcase!" you explained enthusiastically. of course, you didn't expect them to come because you knew that molly, alice, and bernie were going to be at rehearsal for the spring show. but, it was worth mentioning for them to consider. "if we can't show, make sure someone gets a video for us!" alice comments. you laugh and you nod your head. "i'll make sure of that." all of a sudden, you notice two boys approaching your group. of course, you knew who these guys were: they were a few of the only male actors within the theater department. because of prior interactions within the last year of joining the theater club then, you've been more familiarized with sophomore student ricky kwon. however, your eyes are mainly focused on [[him]], another face you will get to know during your upcoming chorus trip. [[you listen to him speak to alice.]]

wade mond: the main heartthrob of the theater club. he's a tenor singer and is the main character of the spring showcase: eureka! among his many admirers who fawn over him are you and alice. you met him for the first time earlier this school year while auditioning for the fall show. as a result, you've been one of the few people charmed by him. though you're sure it's an infatuation, as you do not really know much about him besides the fact that he also likes anime, singing, and dancing. [[you listen to him speak to alice.]]

"hello~" he sing-songs. "what are you guys up to?" "we're just talking about rehearsal after school today," alice answers him. "we're talking about whether or not we should prepare for [[hanneman]] and his wrath today." molly frowns when she says that. "you shouldn't be so mean to him, you know. he really means well and he cares about all of us." alice snorts. "you mean he cares about the white girls and the other boys in the cast," she retorts. "that guy has it out for me. i just know it." as alice, molly, bernie, and ricky talk amongst themselves about their director, you look back at wade and notice him looking back at you. what?! why is he doing that?! holy shit... holy fuck... why is he looking at you? do you have something wrong with your face?! is there something you need to fix hours before the performance?! "i like the hair, nana," he says with a smile. you know he's not making fun of you for it, either. your heart feels something. oh god... be still. after how awkward you were originally in the year you met him, you should take any opportunity to try and charm his heart! [[simply accept his compliment.]] [[invite him to watch the cultural celebration festival]]

"thanks!" you answer with a big smile. "i just dyed the other half pink last night." god. you probably look like an idiot right now. you really wish you had prior romance experience. "it looks good, especially for something you did by yourself," he adds on. then, he turns away from you. sighs... nothing surprising. you aren't exactly the most exciting person he's met. not to mention, not the most attractive. you wait for the period to be over, continuing to input your conversations with the others whenever there is space to. and all of a sudden... it's [[lunch time.]] a.k.a, time to get ready for the show with everyone.

"thanks!" you answer with a big smile. "it's for the cultural celebration festival. you should come! there's another show tonight besides the one during eighth period!" "ahh..." he sighs. "unfortunately, i cannot. i've gotta hang out with rick and the other guys later after rehearsal. i'm sorry. break a leg, though!" great. of course he wouldn't spare some time for you. you probably look super desperate now. "i-it's fine!" you stutter and try to recollect your composure. you wait for the period to be over, continuing to input your conversations with the others whenever there is space to. while you're doing that, you smack your head in embarrassment over the interaction. and all of a sudden... it's [[lunch time.]] a.k.a, time to get ready for the show with everyone.

hanneman is the theater teacher of elysian high, making him also the head of the theater program. out of curiosity, you decided to take his class during junior year and while you did have a fun time out of that class that made you join the theater club to make more friends outside of the class... he certainly intimidates you. your opinion on him continues to lower when you heard other people, mostly tech friends, express their discontent with him. but this [[isn't about him -> you listen to him speak to alice.]]

"hello~" he sing-songs. "what are you guys up to?" "we're just talking about rehearsal after school today," alice answers him. "we're talking about whether or not we should prepare for hanneman and his wrath today." molly frowns when she says that. "you shouldn't be so mean to him, you know. he really means well and he cares about all of us." alice snorts. "you mean he cares about the white girls and the other boys in the cast," she retorts. "that guy has it out for me. i just know it." as alice, molly, bernie, and ricky talk amongst themselves about their director, you look back at wade and notice him looking back at you. what?! why is he doing that?! holy shit... holy fuck... why is he looking at you? do you have something wrong with your face?! is there something you need to fix hours before the performance?! "i like the hair, nana," he says with a smile. you know he's not making fun of you for it, either. your heart feels something. oh god... be still. after how awkward you were originally in the year you met him, you should take any opportunity to try and charm his heart! [[simply accept his compliment.]] [[invite him to watch the cultural celebration festival]]

thanks to the excuse pass that you handed to your teachers earlier in the week, you are able to head to the hallway near the korean room and meet up with the other members of dulcet, along with other members under the khs who are getting ready for their own acts. it feels kind of weird going through these halls again, since you technically graduated already. it's just the body who hasn't, yet. there's so much going on and you're a little overwhelmed, but this isn't your first rodeo. not only that, but you're a senior again. you've gotta act calm for the little freshmen or other newbies so that they don't get any more stressed. with your backpack on, you head over to the restroom to quickly change into your "outfit". you've gotta wear an ao dai for the vietnamese student association's fashion show, not to mention the "idol" outfit for your dance performance. as you unzip the bag to pull out the traditional gown, you notice something that you didn't expect to be in the usual pile full of notebooks and textbooks. the blue journal. it bewilders you. you don't know why it's there. you were sure that you left it at home. not only that, but the original senior year nana ly would never bring that journal. but the clock is ticking. you still need to get ready: outfit and makeup and all. you quickly put on the first outfit you need to put on, get out of the stall, and look in the mirror to put on your signature red liptint. and when you exit out, you ask another friend of yours to apply eyeshadow and eyeliner for you. you're now left on your own, while everyone running around you is still scrambling to look presentable... what do you do? [[open the journal in your bag.]] [[talk to the other members.]]

you take a seat with the journal in your hand. as you open it to the page that the bookmark was left on, you see that the only thing on the pages is the date: nothing about the history that you are revisiting now. [[write something.]] [[look through the other pages.]] [[close it.]]

you walk to one of the underclassmen you were particularly close with: teddy. she not only lives in the same neighborhood with you, meaning you ride the same bus (school or city), but she is also very enthusiastic and hyperactive. "nana!" she greets with a big grin and a little giggle. "how are you feeling with your last culture fest performance?" you laugh at her silly attitude. "honestly, i'm kind of nervous," you reply to her. "with this being the last one, i really want to make it count. especially because i've been dying to shine as dulcet's [[taehyung]] for the 'idol' performance."

now reader, if you're a kpop fan, you probably recognize this name already. but if you're not, then i'll try to keep it simple. taehyung is your favorite member of the KPOP boygroup BTS (yes, that one). you've been stanning him since 2014 before they reached their popularity in america. known for his alluring charisma and strong stage presence, you want to make sure that everyone will keep an eye on you during this performance... even if you can't dance. [[back to teddy.]]

teddy smiles and gives you a thumbs up. "we're gonna kill it out there. you know it." you grin. "you're so hardworking, teddy! you're doing three songs this year again? i'm sure that if anyone's gonna keep their eyes on someone besides me and bri, it's gonna be you." and you mean it, too. teddy is a stellar dancer, after all. probably one of the best in your whole entire dance group... and you're willing to admit that, as you are not the best. she giggles. "thanks, nana. you always know what to say to make my day better." "alright, dulcet! places! places! we've gotta get ready for showtime!" brianna shouts, trying to get everyone in the dance group together. "let's meet backstage in the spots we wait in two performances before us! let's go let's go!" well... what are you waiting for? [[let's watch the culture celebration!]]

before you know it, all four lunch periods are over and it is currently your eighth period. you and the rest of your members grab some seats in the auditorium that are not taken by whichever eighth period teacher wanted to bring their class to the performance. it's a shame that not all students could be there, but it's not like you can do anything about it with the auditorium having such limited room... you really hoped that wade could've seen you... no wait. that doesn't matter. THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. YOU LITERALLY TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME... AND YET YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT ALL BECAUSE YOU'VE TRAVELLED BACK TO A TIME THAT IS STRESSFUL. you try your best to "pretend" to pay attention, letting out sounds of oohs and ahhs to every performance you see. [["ooh. ahhh."]]

your mind is in shambles right now, but you can't let anyone else know that. you take a look at the lineup of the show. right now was the korean fan dance. only one of the members of dulcet have decided to also take part in this performance as well. it's not uncommon. back in the last few years, brianna herself had participated in both dulcet performances and fan dance performances. during sophomore year, she and a senior of yours did it together with the other fan dancers. you join your members in cheering the girl, jenny, on. and before you know it, the performance ends. you look at the setlist. it's the chinese ribbon dance... [[the second to last performance before yours.]]

you and the other members are waiting backstage, all the members who start out on the left side of the stage waiting alongside you, along with the performers who were performing after the ribbon dance. you make sure that you have all the members on this side while brianna was making sure everyone was on the right right side of the stage with her. "nana! nana!" you hear a hushed yelling voice come from behind you. you turn around to see jenny with panicked eyes. "i lost my sneakers. i don't know where they are," she says. "i only have my fan dance shoes on right now. i couldn't find them in the dressing room. i just-" the memory comes back to you as it plays out now... or at least, the familiar emotions you felt when in this position come back to you. but you can't abandon your leader position. you can't. even if there is only a limited time before you guys go on... [[you go look for those sneakers.]]

march 7, 2019. today is culture fest! i'm so excited >w< all of us worked so hard for this event!!! i can't wait to show everyone in the audience that i can shine!! i'm so excited!!! this is going to be my last ifest too... i'm so sad... i really have to make this count! there's only a few minutes. i'll get back to you once i finish both performances!!! [[time to close this book.]]

are you sure? you don't really have that much time left. [[write something.]] [[close it.]] [[why did you even give me this option then? why are you fucking around with me?]]

"alright, dulcet! places! places! we've gotta get ready for showtime!" brianna shouts, trying to get everyone in the dance group together. "let's meet backstage in the spots we wait in two performances before us! let's go let's go!" well... what are you waiting for? [[let's watch the culture celebration!]]

wow! watch the language! also, the more choices, the better right? haha! yeah i just wanted to fuck around with you. but if you want my suggestion... you should definitely [[write something.]] but you don't have to. you can [[close it.]] it's up to you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

your mind is in shambles right now, but you can't let anyone else know that. you take a look at the lineup of the show. right now was the korean fan dance. only one of the members of dulcet have decided to also take part in this performance as well. it's not uncommon. back in the last few years, brianna herself had participated in both dulcet performances and fan dance performances. during sophomore year, she and a senior of yours did it together with the other fan dancers. you join your members in cheering the girl, jenny, on. and before you know it, the performance ends. you look at the setlist. it's the [[chinese ribbon dance]]... the second to last performance before yours.

as you go back out to the hallway, you try your best to look for the shoes in a panic. but your mind is in shambles! she couldn't have left them in her bag, could she? if so, you weren't sure if she'd let you look through them. and she said she already looked in the dressing rooms... holy fuck... oh my god... this is such a mess! all of a sudden, you spot your journal in your not-fully-zipped bag and you think.... could this work??? you could try... how would it even work??? you open the book to where the bookmark is to reveal that one entry you wrote. you graze your fingers over the writing. you close your eyes... and attempt to calm down. [["we still have time."]]

you run back to the backstage and look at jenny as your eyes began to well up with tears. "i-i i couldn't find them," you stammer. "i'm- i'm so sor—" your chest begins to tighten. you hear a high pitched noise. everyone is speaking all at once. the performances are going and leaving... you crouch to the floor... and you [[cry.]]

MISTAKE 1: LOST SHOES oh no... poor thing... maybe you should take more advantage of your abilities more... [[let's start from this date again.]]

chapter ii. just dance. by j-hope [[2019.03.07]]

you hear the sound of people chattering in the hall again. you open your eyes to see everyone talking amongst themselves as they are preparing to get ready again. your eyes widen as you look at the clock on your phone... YOU REALLY DID IT. YOU REALLY TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME. you gasp loudly that your other members look at you with concern. "are you good, nana?" brianna asks. "do you need something?" teddy comes after. [[reply to them first.]] [[talk to jenny.]]

"i-i'm fine!" you respond with a little laugh. "just... just had a premonition that we're going to do great!" "hell yeah we are!" one of the freshman cheers, getting the other to cheer alongside her. you laugh and smile as you look around yourself. you have to remember your main goal for doing this. [[talk to jenny.]]

you look for the junior member quickly, looking at her dressed up in her fan dance dress, accessories, and makeup. she turns to you with a smile. "hi nana! i'm so nervous! this is my first cultural festival performance with khs!" "you're going to do great," you respond to her with a big grin and thumbs up. "as co-leader, i'm here to give you my encouragement and also give you some reminders! remember to break a leg and also... don't forget to bring all your dulcet clothes with you! put all of the clothes in a place where you can remember to grab them. INCLUDING YOUR SHOES!!" she looks at you with a perplexed look at first before eventually laughing. "what's with the emphasis with the shoes?" you laugh it off. "ah... well, they're often forgettable if you're used to usually wearing one,' you respond as an excuse. you can't really tell someone who you didn't really know well outside of the club that you could suddenly time travel. "but anyways!!! break a leg out there!!! i'll see you backstage soon!" "you too!" and so... [[you head your way to watch the performances.]]

you take seats. "ooh ahh," yadda yadda. you already know the gist of it! [[let's go backstage already!]]

you gather everyone into a huddle and talk to everyone there. "alright guys! i know that we went through a lot of trials and that some practices were not the best, but this is our time to shine and show everyone what we've got! i'm so glad i got to co-lead you guys and see your progression from turning into rookies to literal stars!" you put your hand in the middle of the circle. "dulcet?" everyone alongside you puts their hands on top of yours and silently shouts. "dulcet!" you raise your hands altogether to the ceiling. as you turn back to look at the other side, you see brianna doing the same with the other members on that side of the stage. HAHA!!! she is so funny. you are definitely going to miss her once you guys graduate and go on your separate ways. now... [[it's time to dance!]]

because ur mom LMAOOOOOO now say yes, pussy. [[yes.]]

<<audio "chap2" stop>> <<audio "chap3" play>> chapter iii. a new start. by nanashi mumei [[2019.03.14]]

it's been a week since the culture festival and you're still trying your best to wrap your head around this time-traveling business. you have tried your best to act natural around your peers, given the fact that you are the only one who is from the future. even when talking to your school counselor, you've tried your best to keep your cool. "so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" [[the private university in seattle.]] the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it. [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] [[gap year?]]

BZZT! wrong answer. it's because of you choosing that school that you ended up being miserable in the first place. [[let's do this again.]]

"that sounds like a good idea!" she replies to you with a smile. "since it's so close by, you might not even have to pay extra for dorms!" that does sound like a simpler life, now that you think about it. you wish you would've went with that path sooner. [[moving on...]]

"ah! that's a great idea! you can get most of your core classes out of the way, too!" she grins. "not only that, but you'll be able to save a lot of money in the process of doing that! that's why a lot of the kids in your class are going to the local college." you remember growing up hearing all sorts of flack about community college. it's not until recently that you've heard a lot of praise for it. even your other asian aunts and uncles have been encouraging you and their children to get into it. why? well... obviously because of financial reasons. though... you aren't exactly too keen into going there at all. let's think about that later, though. it has nothing to do with the story. [[moving on...]]

you think your dad will let you get away from school? for a whole year??? LOL! that's funny!! remember: you're a first generation asian-american, bestie. [[try again!]]

"so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" <strike>the private university in seattle. the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it.</strike> [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] [[gap year?]]

"so! have you thought about which school you were thinking of going to during the fall?" [[the private university in seattle.]] the one you fell in love with the moment you laid your eyes on it. [[the nearby university that's only a 10 minute drive from your house.]] [[i think i'll go for community college, to be honest.]] <strike>gap year?</strike>

you get through a normal school day until the final bell of the day rings, signaling you to get going to your buses and go on your way home. as you make your way to the closest exit to where your bus usually was, you pass by the theater classroom, watching as your familiar friends from chorus who were in the spring showcase go in. not only that, but you see a few of your tech friends go to the backstage door beside it. this is all for eureka... isn't it... though you knew you had no chance of being in the cast list due to your lack of experience and talent, especially with someone as critical as mr. hanneman, you couldn't help but feel a big case of fomo. of course, you do have the upcoming orlando trip and from prior experience, you already know that's going to make you feel like you're apart of their group. but it still... stings that you can't be able to experience the joy with them. you sigh in defeat as you walk down the halls to head towards your bus, not being at all surprised that all the other cast members barely spare you a glance as they are too preoccupied to get ready for rehearsal. ... oh come on. [[you can't give up that easily, right?]]

[[send a message to teddy and your father that you have to do something after school.]] that way, they'll understand that you're going to "come home a little late." [[isn't that lying??]]

you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom [[(don't get any ideas)]]. you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom. when you enter a stall, you sit down on the toilet seat and open your backpack, reaching for the journal in the biggest pocket. well... you clearly want to be buddy buddy with them and join the cast, even if it is just as an ensemble member. do you want to rewind to the eureka auditions? [[yes!!]] [[do i have to?]]

yes it is, but you can't tell them the truth either. it's not like they'll believe you anyways. this story won't progress if you don't take the opportunity to time travel. "a time travel story" is literally in the title, after all. but yeah... really... [[send a message to teddy and your father that you have to do something after school.]]

if you haven't noticed, that pleases me, the narrator, a little bit. because if you did, that'd mean that you aren't familiar with this kind of grammar. i've never mentioned it before because i didn't really see a point in doing it, but nana is nonbinary. they are only out to a few people, as they dress very feminine and appear that way as well. so while they do get upset when people use the wrong pronouns on them, she/her, they do not really bring much attention to it. but yeah. that's basically it. it's not a huge factor in the story. this isn't about them coming to terms with their gender (they're already in terms with it), nor is it about them trying to be accepted (their main goal right now is to try and figure this power out). [[but anyways... the bathroom..]]

you don't check for their responses after you finish typing the messages onto your phone. you simply put your phone in your pocket and run off to the girl's bathroom. when you enter a stall, you sit down on the toilet seat and open your backpack, reaching for the journal in the biggest pocket. well... you clearly want to be buddy buddy with them and join the cast, even if it is just as an ensemble member. do you want to rewind to the eureka auditions? [[yes!!]] [[do i have to?]]

how else will we progress with the story?? [[can't we just try to get closer to them another way?]]

you turn the pages of your journal to a much earlier entry, but not too early that you end up going back some grades. you scan the words carefully until you eventually find it. bingo. you close your eyes and take a deep breath as your trace your fingers along the outline of the date and the sloppy, rushed handwriting that you recognized as you are. in your head, you repeat that date over and over in your head. [[february 13th, 2019]]

you open your eyes. ... did anything change at all?? [[leave the bathroom stall.]]

what other way is there to get close to them? you only know a handful of them because of chorus. the only ones you can get close to are the ones already in the "rebel treble". but what about your tech friends? what about the other castmates that you're friendly with?? what about... wade?! [[...-> yes!!]]

you turn the pages of your journal to a much earlier entry, but not too early that you end up going back some grades. you scan the words carefully until you eventually find it. bingo. [[february 13th, 2019]]

oh right! duh! i forgot about that! after you stuff your journal back in your backpack, you stand up from the toilet (thank god you did not wear a skirt or dress, otherwise that'd be an awkward situation for you) and leave the restroom, looking around you to see quite a crowd of familiar faces headed to the theater room. you look in confusion before you approach the door and you see it: "eureka auditions on !" your eyes widen as you see everyone else on the signup sheet taped to the door enter the room with either excited or anxious facial expressions. you look inside to see familiar faces, but none of them being members of rebel treble... though, that's a given. the others went to the audition on the twelfth. [[you enter the room.]]

you sit at a random seat (that's not the theater room sofa. you know better than that) and wait for mr. hanneman to come into the room and give you all the information on how the audition process was going to go. while you sit down, you look around yourself to see who else was going to be here today. and your eyes land on him. you look away quickly, hoping that he does not pay any mind to you. if he caught you staring at him, you were certain that you'd basically be embarrassed for the rest of your high school life.... but now that you think about it, you technically could always just rewind back so that you can prevent it from happening again. you look around yourself to try to find at least some people you recognize that you can talk to... or listen to. not all the familiar people you recognize are people you like. you didn't do this during the first time you experienced this. who knows? maybe talking to others involved will help with the audition! [[listen]] [[converse]]

you signed up earlier than most because you thought it would be useful for you to get the audition over with and not think about it after that. coincidentally enough, it seems as though wade was going almost around the same time you are as hanneman calls for the both of you along with some other kids to start heading out and getting ready for the audition. you stand out there and take a deep sigh as you practice the song over again in your head. you're hoping to at least get an ensemble role, since it still means you're apart of the show even if you don't shine like your other peers. your starting note is a c#5 with your word being "just" and then your ending note is a d#4 with your word being "too"... fuck... since you are from the future, it feels like MONTHS since you actually practiced this song to yourself. you go over the lyrics along with the notes quietly to yourself when everyone else in line is talking amongst themselves. "trying out for constance, huh?" you look up from your feet to see who was talking to you, finding your face going warm already just from his little smile and kind eyes. [[admit the truth.]] [[try to play it cool.]]

"is it obvious?" you ask him, making him laugh. "a little," he replies with a smile. "but it's understandable. she is the main lead, after all." "yeah," you nod your head and sigh as the image of you onstage singing this song crosses your mind. it's... a lot to reach for, but you were still willing to try and shoot your shot for it. "i'll be lucky if i even get ensemble, though." "well, at least you're trying! that way, you can say that you're giving it a shot!" he throws a thumbs up. "i'm sure you'll do amazing." you laugh. "thanks." and so he turns, talking about whatever he was talking about. [[any moment now...]]

you clear your throat and try to have a straight face. "i'm just singing her song, really," you answer. "this song seemed to suit my range the best. plus, constance is a little... too pure for me." wade smirks. "what do you mean by that?" you pause. uh oh, you think to yourself with widnened eyes. did i say something wrong? he laughs and shakes his head. "just teasing you. you should've seen your face!" UGH... the way you fell for that... now you feel embarrassed AND stupid... but at least he smiled because of you. not only that, but you feel less tense about the audition now. [[any moment now...]]

the line gets shorter and as you mentally prepare yourself to get ready for your turn to be called. it's just you and wade waiting outside now, along with the stage director, april (yes, she's also a friend of yours. this is the year you made a lot more friends, after all). you originally weren't planning to get in the conversation that the both of them were having, but seeing that you had nothing else better to do and you were both familiar with the both of them, there wasn't really any harm done with participating in it. "so i was out with some friends the other night and we were stopping by 7/11, right?" wade starts his story off. he sure seems like a good storyteller. "and while i was there, there was this guy who was like behind us and we didn't think much about him. but then all of a sudden, as me and everyone else was getting our slurpees and stuff to the register, the guy called out from behind us trying to get our attention. wanna know why?" "why?" both you and april ask him, hoping he'll go to finish his story. "he called out to us because we dropped something. i dropped something... a little beyblade." you can't help but snort loudly at that anti-climatic ending and neither can april as she laughs along with you. "of course it's you who drops the beyblade and you don't even notice it until some dude calls you out for it." "hey! it's okay! when he pointed it out, he seemed really excited about it so we got to bond a lot over it!" all of a sudden, the door to the blackbox opens and the person who went before you walks out. [[it's your turn.]]

after april goes into the blackbox to exchange a few words with mr. hanneman and the music accompanist, she goes out to give you permission to go in. you take a deep breath as you hear wade whisper "break a leg!" right behind you. you enter the room, april closing it as soon as you are fully within it and you stand on the x in the middle, as instructed from hanneman earlier. "hi, nana," he says politely. you can't help but feel like he's giving you an intense look. almost as if he is studying you very closely. "what song will you be singing for us?" "'just imagine'," you respond. "very well. you will begin at the 18th measure. judy, can you play nana's starting note?" you look over at the music accompanist and she gives you the starting note. c#5. you nod your head and clear your throat. "on a count to four," judy instructs. "one...two...three...four." [["just..."]] [["seems..."]]

"...imagine that he loves me dearly..." you manage to start at the right count and you sing without a hitch. you start on pitch and on the perfect tempo, but there is one thing that you feel is lacking even if you're trying your best. you're not a professionally taught vocalist, so that could be the reason why. but still, you try your best with what part of the song you've got. [["...seems..."]] [["he's..."]]

FUCK! you messed up with the wrong start word... that's for the second part of the chorus!!! trying to make up for your blooper, you... [[continue with the lyrics from the second part]] [[sing the rest of the lyrics that were supposed to be sung]] [[ask to start over]]

FUCK! YOU MESSED UP!! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE ENDING OF THE CHORUS... you really tried your best to try and memorize it as perfectly as you can. but every time you open your mouth, you feel as though you are making this even worse for yourself. what should you do? [[... just continue with the verse that you were originally supposed to sing?]]

"... that he's there, as the day is closing..." you manage to get through the second verse without a hitch, though you wish that you could've done a little better. you told yourself that this song was in your range, but now it feels like... you're wrong. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

"...that he's there, as the day is closing..." god... this is a mess. you're lucky that they're the same starting note and chord progression. you're just going to have sing towards the end and hope that judy does the same. if she were to return back to the major that you accidentally sang just for you to mess up your audition even more... god... that'd be embarrassing. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

"...imagine... that he loves me dearly." you aren't sure if this was the safest option, but the fact that you started off quite rocky already makes you feel like this audition was going to lead to no good results. you can even tell by the expression on hanneman's face that you essentially failed the audition. but that doesn't mean you can't finish it. you've got to pull through, no matter the mistake. [["...seems..."]] [["he's..."]]

like hell you would do that! hanneman is terrifying!!! [[continue with the lyrics from the second part]] [[sing the rest of the lyrics that were supposed to be sung]]

you leave the blackbox, feeling... not as confident about the audition. you know that there's not much to talk about with april, as she is the stage manager, but you were surprised to have wade want to interact with you after you finished up. "how did it go?" oh... oh he had to ask that. you give a shrug. "break a leg, though. you've got this!" it's not like he needs the luck, though. you know he was going to get that there's a slight hesitation before he responds with a big smile. "thanks!" as you leave the area and go back into the theater room where the other auditonees were waiting, you go back to your original seat from a few minutes ago and let out a big sigh. all this time and effort... all to try and succeed with an audition that you really wanted to try your best in... only for it to all [[fall apart.]]

"... that he's there, as the day is closing..." this is a mess. you can't believe you messed up such an important part of the song. you really practiced really hard, rehearsing with the official cd that you found off of ebay and even trying to play the piano yourself in the chorus practice rooms to try and see if you could achieve it then. and now all of that effort... has gone down the trash. you hear the accompaniment come to an end. the audition is over. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." [[leave the blackbox and go to the theater room.]]

you look around yourself to make sure everyone else is too distracted to pay attention to you. it's not like anyone would notice some kid going through their journal while they're waiting for their time to know if they're getting callbacks or not is approaching (not like you were expecting one, anyways. you know you bombed that audition). you turn to the original page once again, only finding the date this time.... well, you don't want to go TOO back in time, right? that'd be unnecessary to get through the whole school day when you're mainly hoping for a specific time to aim for. you look at your clock and see the time it is now: 4:00pm. school ended at 3pm... maybe you want to go for... 3:30pm? when you were just getting called to go down. that seems like a right time. you let your fingers scan the date written on the top of that page, pulling out your phone so that you can keep track of the time, and close your eyes as you think to yourself. [["it is 3:30."]]

around you, the chatter coming from everyone in the room comes to a silence. it's not until you hear april's familiar voice that you open your eyes and become aware of the surroundings around you. "nana ly." you open your eyes and realize... it worked. IT REALLY WORKED!! along with everyone else who was apart of the original lineup that you were in, you stand up from your seat after you put your journal back in your bag (zipping it up afterwards) and follow your group back out into the [[hallway]].

as you and your group stands in front of the blackbox, making small talk with april who is seated behind the table in front of you, you carefully review the things that you have learned from your last audition.... or really your FIRST audition of the day. you need to make sure that your voice sounds the best that it can be. you need to remember that you start with the word "just" for the first part of the chorus. you then go to the second verse which begins with "seems". the last part of the chorus begins with "he". you got this. [[you got this.]]

the line gets shorter and as you mentally prepare yourself to get ready for your turn to be called. it's just you, wade, and april as you wait for your turn to go into that blackbox of doom. god... you needed to make sure you killed this. all of a sudden, you hear wade speaking. "so i was out with some friends the other night and we were stopping by 7/11, right?" wade tells of a familiar story. "and while i was there, there was this guy who was like behind us and we didn't think much about him. but then all of a sudden, as me and everyone else was getting our slurpees and stuff to the register, the guy called out from behind us trying to get our attention. wanna know why?" [["did you drop a beyblade?"]] [[no way you're going to make me choose that. you're gonna set me up.]]

wade stares at you with widened eyes. "how... how did you know?" [["oh. just a guess."]] [["i was actually there watching it as it happened."]]

am not! i think that wade would actually be impressed by your "killer intuition." trust me on this! [["did you drop a beyblade?"]]

"wow... that's... scary..." wade comments. "wow! even i'm shocked, nana!" april smiles widely. "hope that intuition gets you a spot in the cast list, then!" "oh god. you and me both," you respond with a laugh. the others laugh alongside you. you all quiet down at the perfect time as you hear the sound of the door opening follow shortly after. you watch as april quickly enters the blackbox before she comes back out and gives you a thumbs up. [[okay. round 2.]]

"i like 7-11's barbecue kettle chips, you know. so i thought i could drop by and grab some. i saw you guys, but i didn't say hi because i thought it would've been awkward." "what a coincidence that happened!" april cheered before giving wade an exasperated look. "also... a beyblade? really?" "h-hey! the other guy was actually very impressed by it! he was a huge beyblade fan, too!" april laughs at his response while you turn around as soon as you hear the sound of the door opening. immediately, april gets up from her seat and enters the blackbox, only to shortly come back and give you the permission to enter. [[okay. round 2.]]

you enter the room, april closing it as soon as you are fully within it and you stand on the x in the middle, as instructed from hanneman earlier. "hi, nana," he says politely. you can't help but feel like he's giving you an intense look. almost as if he is studying you very closely. "what song will you be singing for us?" "'just imagine'," you respond. "very well. you will begin at the 18th measure. judy, can you play nana's starting note?" you look over at the music accompanist and she gives you the starting note. c#5. you nod your head and clear your throat. "on a count to four," judy instructs. "one...two...three...four." [[and the rest is history.]]

the audition goes by without a hitch, shown from your previous experience with it. of course, only you are aware of that. you just hope that this time around is able to get you a good result in the end. "alright. thank you for your audition, nana. we'll be sure to let you know if we want a callback." "thank you," you respond politely as you make your way to the door. [[thank GOD you got through it.]]

you leave the black box where you feel more... light than you did before. you look at april and wade and you give them both a smile and thumbs up. "now all i have to do is wait. but break a leg, wade!" "thanks!" he says before you go back on your way to the theater room. feeling much better after everything, you return to the theater room and take a seat as you flip back to the page that you were on earlier. [[write down your accomplishment!]]

february 13th, 2019 i got to try out more of my cool time-travelling power today!! before writing in this, i was actually already in the next month. march 14th, to be exact. but with my power, i just wanted to try and test my luck with trying to make sure that i could have a chance of being in eureka! as AT LEAST a member of ensemble. if i managed to get more, that'd be awesome too!!! i just want to be able to spend more time with the others.... i want to be included and be more familiar with them. it was worth a shot! i think i really did well! i haven't yet gotten anything about a callback. but i just hope that this all works out in my favor! even if i didn't score a place on the cast list, i can at least be sure that i gave it my all! besides, i know that this won't be the only opportunity for me to get closer to everyone. [[alright. let's close that for the day.]]

as you close your book, you look up to see wade standing in front of you. that threw you in for a surprise! you didn't expect to have HIM be the first person you see after you close your journal... not only that... but he's rather... closer than normal. (he really is just standing directly in front of where you're sitting... either way, it's unsettling.) [[greet him warmly.]] [[...question him?]]

"hi wade! how did your audition go?" "oh! thanks for asking," he replied with a smile. "i think it went well. i really tried my best, to be honest. but, i won't really know until i get that callback, right?" you laugh and nod your head. "actually, i was wondering if i could talk to you for a little bit?" he looks around the room before looking back at you, speaking in a lower voice than before. "...alone?" ...well... [[it's not like you have anything important to do, right?]]

"... wade, what are you doing in front of me?" "glad you asked, nana," he says with a bright smile and you can't help but feel... unsettled by that. "i actually wanted to talk to you about something. it's not too serious, but i would like to talk to you about it alone." well... [[it's not like you have anything important to do, right?]]

you follow him as he leads you to the hallway on the other side of the school, far away from anyone in the black box or the theater room. you're a little confused as to what he was wanting to talk about, though. what do you think?? [[is he going to ask me out?]] [[is he going to ask about how my audition went??]] [[what if he wants to get with one of my friends and needs me to help?]] [[i think i already know.]]

LMAO. AS IF!!! remember that he's THE theater club dream boy that the other girls within the club have their eyes on. they've probably kept an eye on him since he joined the club last year. you only met him this year! you're not special, bestie! dream on!!! [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

... no. i don't think that's possible. you already indicated that your audition went well by how you were walking with your posture tall and with a big smile and you giving him a thumbs up. he probably assumed that you think you did your best. [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

...that definitely does sound like a possibility. you wouldn't be surprised. though you've done a glowup yourself this year, you wouldn't really compare to yourself to your other friends. you know that they are much more attractive than you. hell.. even if you did get prettier, you shouldn't really boost your ego when you know that there are prettier people. [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

oh... do you now? [[let's hear what he has to say.]]

"what did you want to talk about?" the bright smile on his face drops to a serious expression. "you remember earlier when i was telling a story to you and april before you went to your audition?" ... [[you nod your head.]]

"when i asked to guess about it, i didn't expect you to actually do it, let alone get it right. you find yourself laughing out of nervousness. "am i not supposed to get it right? i really was just saying—" [["you're missing the point, nana."]]

"i know that you weren't there because on the day of, it was just me and the other guys. i remember walking around the whole store on that day and finding it to be empty, if not accompanied by that one guy, my friends, or the person working there today. there's no way you could've been there. and the fact that you were able to guess what i dropped right away is strange." you find yourself becoming uneasy. you didn't expect to be inspected after your audition. all you wanted to do was make sure that you did well enough to be apart of the cast. but here you are... facing the consequences of trying to impress others... <strike>oh? was i responsible for making you do that? silly me...</strike> "there's no way you would've known i liked beyblade because i never told anyone that i had one. and if i did, it'd be one of the guys." he furrows his eyebrows as he gives you a intimidating stare. "tell me. right now. tell me how you managed to get that answer. because there is no way in possible hell that you could've gotten it through natural causes." uh oh... uh oh... he's trying to get you into telling him about your power! [[RUN!!]]

<<audio "chap3" stop>> <<audio "chap4" play>> chapter iv. crush. by weki-meki [[let's run away by running into the future.]]

there's a few groups of friends that you've seen often, whether it be through chorus or through other theater meetings with them. [[the group of chorus kids]] [[the group of theater kids]]

there's only two people who you could enjoy conversing with! there's obviously THE BOY and then there's [[jane]]! you love jane!!! [[talk to wade.]] [[talk to jane.]]

with the fact that you originally went through senior year only by talking to your familiar friends within your circle, you haven't had much opportunities to talk to the man and the star. so, you take a deep breath and look behind you to face him and call out his name. "hey! wade!" he was on his phone when he suddenly looks up at you and smiles. "hey, it's nana!" he greets with a smile. "didn't think i'd see you today! i thought you would audition with alice and the others yesterday." "nah. i had kpop dance practice yesterday, so i wasn't able to go." and it's true. after all, in this moment, you're a whole month away from the cultural celebration festival. "that makes sense," he answers. there's an awkward silence. [[say something.]] [[stay silent.]]

you stand up from your seat and walk over to where jane is, smiling brightly at her and being relieved she gives you the same in return. "hiii nana!" "hiii jane~" you giggle. "do you mind if i sit here?" you ask as you point down at the empty spot next to the girl. "not at all! help yourself," she grins. as you take your seat next to her, she starts off a conversation with ease. "so are you excited for the audition?" "pretty nervous, if you ask me," you answer with a little laugh. "but, i really hope i make it this time. after all, it is my last year here." "yeah, i hope he gives some of our seniors a chance. like alice. i know she's been really wanting to be in a production for a while, especially since the last few years, hanneman hasn't been the nicest to her." she gives a thumbs-up. "but i saw you during the dance auditions and you were great! i'm sure you'll get the vocals down, too!" you smile at her. "thank you, jane." after hearing her, you really do hope that you can pass the audition this time. maybe then, you'll be able to not only get closer to her, but eveyrone else who is your friend in the theater club. at least... that's all you can hope for. strong friendships on top of getting another chance to perform. and so... [[here comes hanneman.]]

from where you sit, you are able to listen to the chorus kids... though, to be honest, regardless if you wanted to eavesdrop or not, you were going to be doing it without your will anyways. these boys were loud. "could you imagine if they made a grown up version of pokemon like they did with dora the explorer?" one of them asked. that's a strange topic of conversation, but you don't think it will lead to anything bad. "i don't think i want to imagine that," another person in the group responds. "you don't know how weird the directors are. and if not them, maybe the fans." "what? are you saying that they're gonna make ash ketchum fuck pikachu?" one more kid said. he said that a little too loud. you wish you didn't hear that. maybe it's time you stopped listening to their conversation. [[talk to wade.]] [[talk to jane.]]

from where you sit, you are able to listen to the group of theater kids. you expect that the conversation will be about the audition or perhaps hanneman himself. either way, you tune in. "i really hope i get marley thompson," you hear one of the boys say enthusiastically. "i really think that i'll be able to suit his range. plus, hanneman likes me a bunch. i bet i got this part in the bag." "i really hope i get robbie," another boy speaks out. "i really think i'll be able to nail the tap dance part. i basically killed it during the dance audition. but my throat hurts, so i can't keep my hopes up." "it's okay, dude. you sing better when you're sick anyways." that was certainly a strange thing to say to a fellow friend. you're not sure if the rest of this conversation will help you in any way at all. [[talk to wade.]] [[talk to jane.]]

jane is one of your fellow rebel treble members who you've originally met through your same theater class last year. though she is your underclassmen as a sophomore, you really do enjoy her company! she was very enthusiastic and you cannot deny her talent. she always gave you a very friendly attitude. you have no doubt in her mind that she'll definitely get a part. alright. enough about her. let's go back to your options. [[converse]]

when preparing to go into that fancy art school, you later realized that you and your father were not able to afford it, no matter the grants or loans you got. but since you and your father already bought the tickets, he came to a solution: he would have you living with your family friend who was close to your father. you would then get a drivers license so that you can drive to the closest school near his house and maybe, in the future, you could have a possibility of going to another school with more opportunities or even that fancy art school if you managed to save a lot of money. while the first week of living with your father's friend was peaceful, especially since you were able to bond with his children, it all went downhill eventually. when you realized that the technical college you were going to did not at all offer any sort of music classes because of their focus mainly being in realistic money-maker careers, you eventually come to a realization that you are going against not only everyone else's expectations on your future, but also your own. you were failing the past you... who depended so much on this career. rather than saving others, you were hating yourself. [[continue.]]

when you are on your way home, you make sure to pick up a large soda from mcdonalds so that you can feel some sort of excitement throughout your day. all you ever look forward to nowadays is fridays where you can roam around the mall by yourself while getting fries that make you feel some sort of joy while being in this state of crushed dreams. but on every other day, a soda and sometimes fries was enough for you, given the fact that you can't really afford more than that. you return to the house that is currently empty. it's just you and the two dogs that the host, your father's friend, has as pets. he was probably outside doing his job as a repairman for cars. his three children who bring more life into the house than anyone else were still in school and it's not yet time for them to be picked up and dropped off by the bus. and, thankfully, the children's mother is also not at home. not that you really interact with her much. it's quite clear that you two do not like each other. you go up to "your" room that was originally the middle child's. she had given up that room so that you could sleep there and reside there on your own for your stay there. you didn't mind. you personally liked being alone, anyways. as you lie on your bed over how boring, yet tiring your average day in this technical college was, you turn over and see a familiar blue book decorated with stickers that you have purchased yourself. there is a blue bookmark in one of the pages and next to it, a purple pen that looks as if it's already been used. [[write an entry.]] [[...do i have to?]]

it all started in junior year. after your mom died early in that year, you were thrown into bad downward spiral and as a way to cope, you went to music. specifically bts's music (yes, famous korean boygroup that released bangers like "dynamite", "butter", and "permission to dance". you've been following them since 2014.). it's then when you decided you wanted to pursue a music career with the intention of making others happy and/or feel supported and healed by whatever song you could make out of the kindness of your heart. you toured a fancy arts school while you were travelling in seattle (for the first time) and fell in love with it at first sight. the music building enticed you. the modern look of the dorm building made you feel fascinated. even the pike place market within the city captured your heart. you got an acceptance letter from them and you could already envision your life before you accepted their offer. you told anyone and everyone what your future would be: become a music composer who would help make others feel happier with your music. you have kept a positive mindset from that moment of your realization until... that incident. [[how did i get in this situation?]]

WARNING: this choice will lead to a scene that may be disturbing to readers who are easily triggered by topics of depression and self-harm. continue? [[let me go back->alone]] [[i will be fine.]]

on one friday while you were doing your usual walking trip in the mall, you spotted a small store that was basically the japanese equivalent of a dollar store. you walked inside, trying to find some items that you could have some use for (school supplies, little snacks, a little trinket for your dad, etc.). it's then when you see a box full of [[pencil sharpeners]]. after you bought them, you used a hairclip that you have gotten from one of the sisters after they gifted it to you. you use it to unscrew the blade from the small, circlular prism and hold it against your wrist. one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. that's enough. [[read an entry.]]

this isn't the first time you saw these little school supplies and thought of it as a weapon towards yourself. you've started your journey during middle school, another time you felt particularly lonely (though not as lonely as now, that's for sure). you remember the date vividly as november 11th solely because the other date form resembled the cuts you made. since then, you've always used those as a way to punish yourself for the stupid decisions you've made. [[go back->i will be fine.]]

MISTAKE 2: fail of preparations. ... there's no way you should let things happen like the way it did. [[grab that journal.]]

the intimidating man walks into the room with confidence: straight posture with his head held high and a smile that looks genuine. a part of you feels that it's ingenuine. after all, you were one of the few faces who you knew would just be considered "a waste of his time". "hi there, everyone. welcome to the auditions for eureka!" he says with a proud smile, staying silent for a few seconds to give others the opportunity to applaud. as it dies down, he continues going over the details of the audition process. "as you've already done the dance audition on monday, today's audition is focused on the songs. if you get the opportunity of getting a callback, you will have the chance to act a character in the play. we'll call each of your names and have you in groups. when you are grouped up, you will line up in front of the blackbox with our stage manager and then will be called individually to enter the blackbox and start your audition." the smile is still there. "as usual, try your best, break a leg, and i cannot wait to see what all of you have to show me." everyone claps as he exits the room. even though you have your doubts about him, you nonetheless remain confident so that you will be able to ace this audition. you will be apart of a castlist with your friends from the program whom you can get closer to. you will get the chance to know more about wade. you WILL perform with your friends. you WILL make this year count. [[you want to do the very best you can.]]

"are you excited for the audition?" he gives you a nervous laugh and a little shrug. "i don't know. i'm as excited as i can be. i wasn't able to be in [[mathalete's]], so i really want to try and get into this. especially since it's like... the last musical i'll be in for the school." that's true. that was the case for you too. sure, there was always community theater options, but it's unlikely that you'll be able to get an opportunity for that with your lack of connections. not to mention, as of this day, everyone's STILL under the impression you're going to be in seattle. and even if you knew he was going to get a part in the play anyways, he didn't. "well, you're super talented! you're great at singing and dancing, so i can imagine that you'll be able to do well," you say with a smile. "plus, who knows? you might get the lead role." "marley thompson?" he laughs. "you're kind of getting my hopes up, nana." you shrug. "well, you never know! it's a possibility!" he smiles and nods his head. "yeah, i guess." he looks at you with a kind look in his eyes. "thanks, nana. i really needed that encouragement." after hearing those words, you feel as if your heart is about to swell. you feel as though you are in a very happy mood than you did before. and so... [[here comes hanneman.]]

you decide to say nothing and you go back on your phone for the remainder of the time, leaving a little bit of awkward silence between the both of you. or really, for you. wade is popular with almost everyone in this room. there's no doubt that he'll be able to hold a good converation with another person. you're just a side character in his story. but it's okay. you don't have to think too much about it. [[here comes hanneman.]]

mathalete's was the musical for the fall season a.k.a earlier in the year. you and wade had both auditioned for it. since it wasn't the biggest production of the year, it had a small cast and in turn, not as big of an emphasis compared to eureka. it is centered on a math competition and the competitors comprised of middle school children. as implied, you were not casted. surprisingly enough, wade was also not casted. but since you already knew that wade was going to be in the spring play, it wasn't really much of a big deal. [[back to wade.->say something.]]

with the journal, you time travel to a whole week later: february 20. [[what happened?]]

while you, the player, time-travelled with the journal, nana instead hid in the bathroom stall. since there's no gender neutral bathrooms in the building, they go for the bathroom that wade, a cisgender man, would not be able to enter. they stayed there for a few minutes until eventually, they leave when everyone else is back in the theater room. thankfully, when they entered, wade is busy talking to some other boys. as they walk to jane, trying their best to avoid eye contact with them. they did not get a callback, so they were able to rush home to the bus stop while wade was held back because he did. after that day, wade's been trying to reach out to nana through messenger. they've actively avoided him. the cast list came out and, unfortunately, nana was not on it. the feeling of failure and disappointment is familiar to you, but it makes you really realize that hanneman really just hand-picked his favorites for the roles. you never really stood out as a performer to him, so you can't say you're surprised by his shallow character. still... you do feel sad that the opportunity is lost. but at least you can take any other chance to get close with everyone. [[...but what about wade?]]

that's where you [[get back in]]!

back to the point: it's a week later. you go on with your school day as normal. you go to your normal classes. [[music creation technology...]]

8-9:30 while you're working on protools for an assignment given by your teacher to make for a specific movie scene, you hear vibrations from your cellphone on the side. you take a quick glance at it. MESSENGER now Wade Miller "Nana." MESSENGER now Wade Miller "I need to talk to you." MESSENGER now Wade Miller "Why are you ignoring me?" You lock your phone and put it to the side. [[probability and statistics...]]

9:40-11:15 the most boring class ever. to keep yourself from falling asleep, you go on your phone and decide to distract yourself by going on twitter and skimming through your timeline. [[...why am i doing this during class?]]

haven't you heard of the stereotype that queer people can't do math? even if nana is asian, they could care less about anything relating to mathematics. or science. it's either humanities and/or arts for them. if you genuinely like math, you have a sad and pathetic life. not only that, but mrs. eve is a horrible teacher anyways. it's not like you learn anything from her because her teaching style is so pathetic. [[but that's not the point.]]

the messenger notifications continue to pester you and you can't help but want to try and "pay attention" to the class so that you didn't have to deal with him. knowing that your next class is chorus and you KNOW you have to deal with him. you wonder if there's a way to skip it.... yeah. yeah there totally is. [[excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.]]

because of how mrs. eve isn't the most enthuasiastic when it comes to her job, she doesn't care much when you stand up from your desk, grab your bag, and go to the hallway with your journal in hand. some of the kids are giving you confused looks, but you don't seem to notice them. after all, that's the least of your worries. you enter the bathroom and go into a stall where you decide to move [[forward]]....

[[.... by a week and a day... and a few hours]]

february 28th, 2019. 1:30pm as you leave the bathroom (making sure to wash your hands so you don't look disgusting to your classmates) with your backpack and journal in hand, you look around yourself and see as students are beginning to head to their next class which is.... seventh period. OH BOY! that's your [[hallway passer block]]! you approach the door of the office that leads to the hallway of different counselors. one of the rooms, however, is a "meeting room"... a.k.a your "classroom" for this "block". with the two other hallway passers of seventh period, you all set your bags down on your seats and walk to the whiteboard in the room with each period (odd and even) listed on it and a folder for each one attached. you approach the folder for seventh period and the three of you divide all of the forms within to bring to another classroom. [[let's hand out some forms!]]

"what is a hallway passer block?" have you ever caught yourself trying your best not to fall asleep during class? have you ever thought to yourself "good god. who is going to get me away from this butthole of a teacher? i need a break. i need to be free of this torture... now." all of a sudden, you see the door open to see a student (whom you may or may not recognize) with a nametag with a pile of small paper "passes" in their hands. they give one to your teacher before they make a silent exit out to the hallway. all of your class is staring down your teacher as he observes the form for a quick second. and thus... a miracle happens. YOUR NAME IS CALLED! YOUR CONSELOR WANTS TO SEE YOU!!! to put it shortly, nana (and a select few of seniors) have the job as any normal high schooler's savior. of course, there are times where the class does get fun and you have to ruin the fun by giving the teacher a form of a student who seems to be very engaged by the lesson. there are times where you have to give a student a form from their counselor that essentially means "we need to have a serious chat about your grades." regardless of what the issue may be, you do get a whole period where all you do is wait for a school adult hands you a little form with a specific name and classroom number to go off and find them. and with that "waiting time", you are free to do whatever you want: read a book, do your homework, watch some tv shows, or even play video games on your phone before it dies. overall, a 10/10 experience. this is definitely something you missed about senior year. [[return->.... by a week and a day... and a few hours]]

as you watch the other passers go their separate ways, you take a look at the three forms that you've picked out yourself from the folder. they're all in three different classrooms that are apart from each other. thankfully, after a few years of being in the school, you know your way around. where should we start? [[music classroom.]] [[history classroom.]] [[science classroom.]]

deciding to take the music classroom first, you go to the mentioned classroom on the form as you walk towards the hall where all the music classrooms were. this room seems to be... the orchestra room. that's fortunate! the orchestra teacher is very funny and an intriguing man indeed. the music hallway is thankfully not too far from the office area. in fact, it's just a right and you go down the hallway there. taking the quick walk, you approach the orchestra room's door and knock on it twice before turning the knob and opening the door. the students all look at you as you approach the orchestra teacher. you hand him the little pass and he looks at it quickly before looking up at you with a smile. "thank you," he says quickly before he turns back to his class to call out the name on the pass. "freddy, your counselor wants to see you." and so, [[you exit the orchestra room.]]

the history hallway is basically on the other side of the school, so it is quite the walk. but it's no worries! you thankfully have your phone and your apple headphones with you. so after you play a quick song of your choice, you begin to head your way to your destination. thankfully, you can roam around the halls as you find the room number without being called out by a teacher, as you have a nametag indicating your position and that you have a reason to be roaming these halls. you weren't skipping class... you didn't even have a class! as you make your turns and pass the other hallways, you finally arrive at the history hallway. now all that was left to find was the room. it doesn't take you long to find it, as it was just a few steps ahead of where you were. you knock on the door twice before you turn the knob and enter the room. as you enter, you watch as several sophomores look at you in anticipation as you approach the ap world history teacher at the front. you hand her the form and she gives a quick "thank you", allowing you to turn and leave the classroom immediately onto [[your next destination.]]

(if you're interested, here's a little [[fun fact]] about you and science classes this year!) regardless of which hallway you're and how many passes are in your hand, you decide to head to the science hallway. the classroom you had to head to was basically in the middle of both ways anyway, so the walk isn't long and it doesn't require too many twists and turns. you arrive at the science hallway and you make your way towards the ap chemistry classroom that was listed on the pass. as you knock on the door, enter the room and make your way to the teacher, she gives a simple nod to let you go after you hand her the piece of paper. [[and so you exit the chemistry room.]] (don't worry this is where the fun starts.)

where off to next? [[the science class. ->science classroom.]] [[the history class.]]

where to? [[music class.]] [[science class.->science classroom.]]

the history hallway is basically on the other side of the school, so it is quite the walk. but it's no worries! you thankfully have your phone and your apple headphones with you. so after you play a quick song of your choice, you begin to head your way to your destination. thankfully, you can roam around the halls as you find the room number without being called out by a teacher, as you have a nametag indicating your position and that you have a reason to be roaming these halls. you weren't skipping class... you didn't even have a class! as you make your turns and pass the other hallways, you finally arrive at the history hallway. now all that was left to find was the room. it doesn't take you long to find it, as it was just a few steps ahead of where you were. you knock on the door twice before you turn the knob and enter the room. as you enter, you watch as several juniors look at you in anticipation as you approach the apush teacher at the front. you hand him the form and he gives a quick "thank you" before going back to his lecture, allowing you to turn and leave the classroom immediately onto [[your last classroom ->science classroom.]]

deciding to take the music classroom next, you go to the mentioned classroom on the form as you walk towards the hall where all the music classrooms were. this room seems to be... the chorus room. wonderful! you get to see your favorite teacher. even though the music hallway is practically on the other side of the school, you were in no rush. with the song you chose still playing in your ears, you make the usual turns through hallways and nod your head slightly at any of the hallway monitor adults, making sure your nametag is present around your neck so that you don't look like a student without a hall pass. you don't make eye contact with them, hoping that they won't yell at you for having headphones on. (you prefer to make this walk a little entertaining after all). after a while, you finally arrive at the chorus room and you don't even have to knock on the door. unlike the other classrooms, the chorus room was one of the biggest classrooms in the school so the doors bulky and metal, similar to the ones at the auditorium or the cafeteria. as you pull on the lever-like knob, you enter the room to look at the familiar chorus teacher with a smile. "ah, nana!" mr. cloud says upon noticing you. "what brings you here?" "hi, cloud," you say with a smile. "i have a pass for you." "for me?" he asks with wide eyes, his eyebrows raising in a goofy manner as you hand him the pass. the goofy look fades as he goes back to a neutral face. he looks back at you with a smile after looking at the piece of paper. "thanks, nana! make sure to practice your music for the orlando trip!" "i will, i will," you laugh lightly before you turn and push the door out into the hallway. and so, [[you exit the chorus room.->science classroom.]]

the reason why you have this hallway passer block was because in the beginning of the year, you were tired of physics class. which... duh! physics sucks! to be honest, all of science sucks! so you managed to convince your teacher to let you drop the class and you went to your counselor in hopes to score a hallway passer block, in which she let you do since you were essentially headed towards the "standard diploma" (a.k.a the "i'm not a huge smarty pants and i'm not willing to sell my soul to prestigious MITs" diploma) anyways. [[... wouldn't physics be useful for our time travelling?]]

.... this is a fictional game about time-travelling through the eyes of a seventeen year old asian-american nonbinary person with a BOOK. you think the creator of this game gave a shit about the actual science behind all of this? this is just for fun! let loose a little, would ya? [[fine i guess.->science classroom.]]

you make sure to turn around and close the classroom door. as you turn around to prepare yourself to go off to your next destination, you see WADE at the door of the chemistry classroom that was across from where you were, meaning you two were making DIRECT EYE CONTACT in this moment. oh god. oh god oh god. [["WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!"]]

"nana," he starts. "why have you been ignoring me for two weeks?" that's certainly a way to start off a conversation with someone you haven't talked to in two weeks! [[try to brush him off and laugh.]] [[RUN. RUN YOU IDIOT.]]

"ahh... i was busy with um... culture fest stuff," you answer with a forced laugh. "you know... had to make sure all my dance moves were sharp and all. also gotta play the supportive role for the other kids." "yet you still had time to go on snapchat and talk in the theater group chat?" he asks. "you were basically spamming alongside us when the cast list was about to be posted." FUCK. FUCK HE GOT YOU THERE. [[continue to try and make excuses.]] [[BESTIE. JUST BOOK IT->RUN. RUN YOU IDIOT.]]

you let out one more uncomfortable laugh for good measure before you decide to speed walk away from the boy, eventually quickening your pace so that you can get him to lose you. "HEY! HEY! NANA, GET BACK HERE!" he shouts from across the hall, chasing after you. but you refuse to stop and listen. you can't let him know. [[you keep running.]]

your forced laughter starts to show that you were clearly uncomfortable by the situation you are put in. "ah... well that didn't really require much of my attention. i was mainly just there to put in some small thoughts every now and then." "so, you know what i want to talk to you about, then?" he quirks his head to the side. "you know that i'm going to ask about how you knew about that situation. about your... POWER?" FUCK FUCK FUCK . OKAY. I CAN'T LET YOU CONTINUE TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT ANYMORE. [[RUN. RUN YOU IDIOT.]]

you really wish that you had that little flash tool that the men in black used to people who "should forget what they saw." it'd be so much more convenient for you in this case if you had it. and even if you did go to dance practice often, remember to keep in mind you're not the best dancer. not only that, but you were always the slowest when it came to any "tests" in gym when it came to running. (yes, you were always the first one out during the [[fitness gram pacer test]].) you eventually have to slow down and stop to catch your breath. GOD. GOOD GRIEF. you really ARE out of shape. you look so stupid and pathetic right now. and here comes mister deadpool approaching you, taking the opportunity to try and haggle the truth out of you while you're in your moment of weakness. [[...do i get to try again?]]

"The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. (beep) A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. (ding) Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." ... sorry. was feeling a little nostalgic. [[let's get back to the program->you keep running.]]

... no, actually. like i said, this is where the story gets [[interesting.]]

"nana... please..." he says while panting, sound equally as out of breath as you. even if he is the popular boy in the theater club, he's also... quite skinny and lanky. the man definitely needed some muscle in him. "please... just let me talk. i promise i won't hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable on purpose. i won't even tell anyone. i swear!" you look over at him whlie narrowing your brows. he does look quite desperate to get the truth out of you. in fact, a part of you feels a little bit guilty for ghosting him to the point of him being desperate to try and get your attention. <strikethrough>if you ask me, i think it's actually quite an accomplishment to move a boy to desperation in order to try and get your attention... but that's just me.</strikethrough> "please. i just need an explanation. i promise that i won't bother you again after i get one." [[decide to come clean.]] [[tell him to piss off.]]

you sigh and you look around yourself before your eyes land back on him. "you promise you won't tell anyone?" he nods his head firmly. "cross my heart. hope to die. i'll even pinky swear. i'll do a blood oath if you want me to—" [["okay let's not make things extreme."]] [[...i mean... i'm a little curious.]]

"fuck you," you growl. "i am not telling you shit. you don't need to hear shit from me. it's none of your business and it never will be. just fucking leave me alone and pay attention to the other people since they're all in the play. they're more worth your attention, right?" the look he gives you after shows him looking utterly defeated and upset. it almost makes you compelled to go back on your words and apologize, but you know what's done is done. you huff before you turn away, headed to your next destination as you leave him standing alone in the [[hallway..]]

<<audio "chap4" stop>> MISTAKE 3: UNWRITTEN TRUTH ... don't you think you were being a little too harsh on him? seeing it from my point of view, i think it was worth letting him know. he doesn't seem like the type to betray others. in fact, with how you've left him waiting when you basically shocked him to silence earlier... he deserves an explanation... don't you think? regardless of what you say, you should seriously reconsider your actions. let's start the day... no.. [[the chapter->RUN!!]] all over again.

"calm down, you drama queen," you say, rolling your eyes at how over-the-top he was being. "you you don't need to worry about that. i trust that you won't snitch on me." "i promise i won't." he says adamantly, holding a hand to his chest. ... god this guy was a moron. "alright. let's just go somewhere private so that no one eavesdrops on us. 'kay?" "you got a place in mind?" he asks. [[... no you don't.]] [[it's okay. you can say you don't.->... no you don't.]]

shame. SHAME... you are so so so shameful. shame. SHAMEEEEE okay, not gonna lie? me too kind of. but please don't let there be any <strikethrough>[[more]]</strikethrough> bloodshed in the story. [[ughhhh fineeeee->"okay let's not make things extreme."]]

in case you didn't read the little feature about it in the first chapter, whether it be triggering material for you to read or you just decided not to click it, you essentially had the option of cutting youself. yeah. quite a heavy action, huh? nana's had a history of it. of course, they have no scars present in the moment, as this is their "euphoric stage" in their life.... so they didn't really feel compelled to do it often. anyway, blah blah. yadda yadda. let's go back [[to the original plot->"okay let's not make things extreme."]]

"thought so," he gives a smug smirk in response to your silence. "well, no worries. you've got me! and i know a certain place we can go to for... privacy." "how do you know this place, exactly?" he gives a wink. "i don't kiss and tell." [[cue eyeroll.]] i bet you're questioning why you had feelings for him in the first place.

"come on, weird girl! let's get going!" he says as he begins leading the way. "i'm NOT a GIRL!" you retort back shortly. usually, you'd keep silent if someone were to misgender you, since you wore feminien clothes and had long hair. it was easy for people to not know and you didn't want to make them feel bad. but... understandably.... you're annoyed. so he deserves to know. "oh!" he stops and turns back. "sorry. my bad. i didn't know." you sigh. "it's okay. no one knows it. i usually just let it happen." you give him a look. "anyways, go on. show me that private place you make out with girls at." he laughs as he walks on, [[you following after him.]]

... you're a little surprised at the fact that he's aware of this specific practice room outside of the chorus room. from what you knew of it, it was used more as a "storage room" for the korean honor society's nanta drums than it was a practice room. however, there is that one old wooden piano that you doubt is tuned perfectly. perhaps that's why he uses this room. for the piano. after he opens the door and peeks in a little to turn the light on, he steps back out and holds the door for you. "after you, my.... uhh..." this man truly was an idiot, but you appreciated the sentiment. you enter the room without letting him continue, taking a seat at the little bench in front of the piano as he enters and closes the door behind him. "okay," he says, leaning against the door before he crosses his arms. "now... please. explain." well... [[you have no other choice.]]

"so, before you ask or assume anything more, i'm going to let you know this now: i am not a psychic." "damn. you just ruined the fun for me," he says with a defeated sigh. "well... what are you then?" [[you tell him everything.]] at least... everything that led up to this moment.

you're from the future. a few months after this date, to be exact. you explain to him that you specifically are the "future" nana who was given the ability to time travel. you were suicidal and depressed in your dad's friend's house with brown hair at one moment... and then you wake up with blonde hair back in fairfax, virginia the next. you tell him about how you time-travel with the help of your journal that you've kept since even before senior year started. in that journal, you wrote all about your fun journeys that you had during the first time you experienced 2019 to the hopelessness you felt later on while across the country. you don't know why you were given the ability, but you do know that your goal was to make sure that you are not only able to relive the happiest moment of your laugh, but that you are also making the choices that would make it better. ... and then you mention how disappointed you were over not getting on the cast list with everything you tried. you talk about how you tried to redo your audition after your failed first attempt. you explain that's how you knew about the beyblade story: because you had already heard it. and it was your mistake to slip up on an important thing like that because at the time, you didn't think it mattered. [[... but here you are.]]

he listens intensely, nodding his head at every word you spoke to show that he was understanding. there was a little bit of a surprised and amazed look from him, but you were at least grateful that he was aware of your situation. "you better not tell anyone this," you remind him. "miller, i swear, if you tell anyone about this, i will kill—" "heyy! why are you calling me by my last name?" he asks with a pout. "i thought we were friends!" you laugh. "it wasn't until this incident," you gesture your hands wildly for emphasis, "that you decided to pay attention to me all of a sudden. we're more acquaintances than we are friends." "well, i guess i'm a close friend of yours then, since i know your biggest secret," he says with a smile, later dropping it into a serious facial expression. "but yeah. you don't need to worry about me snitching. i promise i won't tell a soul. and when i make a promise. i keep that promise." his serious gaze makes you feel intimidated. it's a different look from his usual carefree demeanor that he shows off to everyone. [[admit your impression.]] [[deny it.]]

"wow... color me impressed," you state. "i didn't expect you to be the serious type when it came to that." "i'd like to say that i'm extremely loyal," he states proudly. you snort. "hey! i technically am not in a relationship yet. i'm simply just exploring my options," he defends himself when talking about his... "kisses". "this is different! this is a friend's extremely important secret! i will remain silent if it means i keep your trust." "you better." [[thank him.]]

"yeah i could tell. you were basically saying you would give me your blood to let me know how serious you are." he laughed. "i mean, that was a joke, but it gets the point across." "i guess," you shrug. [[thank him.]]

"... but thanks. for hearing me out, i guess," you respond with a sigh. "i... i didn't really expect it, but being able to talk about this to someone makes me feel... very much at ease." "because you've been going through all of it on your own, right?" he asks. "it's understandable. it's a lot to handle. and it's a great power. and with great power—" god. not this cheesy ass again. "—great responsibility. okay we get it, dollar general tobey macguire." he jokingly gasps at the insult. "how rude!" you can't help but laugh at his reaction and he eventually joins your laughter, later calming down and eventually leaving the practice room to go back to [[your respected "classrooms".]]

when you sit down, you decide to open up your journal to write about your day. ... for some reason... you can't help but feel a little bit more lighter and happier over what just happened. but as you open your journal, that feeling of happiness disappears as you see a strange note left on the blank page you were going to fill about your day. in your stomach, rather than feeling butterflies, you feel a sense of dread. [[it reads...]]

<h1 style="font-family:Brush Script MT">END YOUR TRAVELS. NOW. YOU WILL FACE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES IF YOU CONTINUE TO GO FURTHER.</h1> [[...]]

<<audio "chap4" stop>> <<audio "chap5" play>> chapter v. loonatic by loona odd eye circle [[2019.03.15]]

<<cacheaudio "chap1" "infinitelygray.mp3">> <<cacheaudio "chap2" "justdance.mp3">> <<cacheaudio "chap3" "anewstart.mp3">> <<cacheaudio "chap4" "crush.mp3">> <<cacheaudio "chap5" "loonatic.mp3">>

if you recognize that the date looks familiar, it does. earlier in chapter 3, you were originally on the date of march 14, 2019. you are now present on the day after that. [[... did we time-travel?]]

it's up to you at this point. i imagine that you're able to fill in the blank space of what happened from when you talked to wade (february 28th) to now (march 15th). whether you time-travelled ahead to the official date or you stay to experience it all again, it's up to you. all that happened from then to now was just you preparing for culture fest anyways. [[but let's continue.]] [[wait... what about that note..? ->but let's continue.]]

today is an even day. you have your music computer technology class, your "studyish block", lunchtime, ap liiterature, and ap government. you manage to get through your music computer tech class like usual. you also get through your study block, with the other half of it being studying at your first period (so you go back to the music computer tech room). you even ate a good lunch with your group of friends. and now... it is time... for sixth period... (groan) [[ooh what did i eat??]] [[why the groan??]]

... is that really your biggest concern now? 💀 come on now... that has nothing to do with the story. [[literally half of the choices has nothing to do with the story.]]

in your ap literature class, you are assigned with a group who you essentially work on everything related to the class with. projects, classwork... even the motherfucking "warm up" journal activity that your teacher gives you to in the morning! you all have to open your journals and talk about what you wrote together. but among your table group comprised of four members (including yourself)... there is an uneasy tension with two of the members. [[uneasy tension?]]

yes it does! it helps form a connection between me and you, reader <3 after all, i am your faithful guide! i will take you anywhere you want to go! [[but what about that note->why the groan??]]

they basically don't like you. around this point in time, when you first got to work with them, you were unaware. throughout majority of your senior year with them, you had never had the thought that there was a single possibility that they disliked you. it wasn't until the end of the year where madison, the other person in your group, told you abou their true nature and opinions on you. and it made sense because.... in the past three months since he told you that, they had been... singling you out. even if you remember them not being nice to you, a part of you wonders if things would've been different had you said things differently. or, rather... if you made different decisions than the ones you did before. and now.. [[you want to try and test that theory.]] especially since this is before they started really singling you out. so this could be your chance of redemption and possibly having a positive experience with them!

as you enter the classroom and take a seat next to madison. he greets you with a warm smile like he usually does because you never really thought of him as someone who was fake. you then look in front of you and notice the other two: [[ryanne]] and [[winston]].

ryanne is really the only one you like out of the two. you had both met each other in junior year in your "homeroom" period, as the whole entire system with that began in that year. you both bonded over your extensive use of the internet growing up. with the fact that both of you are in the same class this year, you wanted to take the opportunity to try and get closer to them. you don't know what you did to make them suddenly dislike you. a part of you feels like their close friendship with [[winston]] played a heavy part in them suddenly deciding they would think negatively of you. you truly felt like this could've been avoided. and now, you're holding out hope that your theory is true... [[back to the classroom.]]

you met winston briefly though a mutual friend, but it wasn't until this year in this class where you were able to hold proper interactions with winston. at first, you thought he was very fun and interesting to be around. he definitely had a loud personality that you liked, as well as the same sense of humor you and the other members of the group shared. he was most certainly the leader of your group and he knew how to get work done and how to complete it efficiently.... but... he has definitely picked on you for your certain interests and you weren't really sure how to feel about that. he was the only one out of the four of you who never failed to misgender you, even if you openly talked about you being nonbinary to the group. not to mention, he invalidated you for your label on sexual orientation. he also never failed to make you feel inferior because of your interest in kpop, calling you all sorts of nasty adjectives in the book... solely because of the fact that you listened to quite a bit of music of a specific genre. you had a feeling that you and him would have a rocky start from the beginning, but when it was him and [[ryanne]] who would make you feel small... it obviously stung.... by a lot. [[back to the classroom.]]

the bell rings and you look to the front where your kind english teacher is. she seems to be very enthusiastic about what the class objective will be for today. "hi there, everyone," she says with a warm smile, later looking at the white board where it showed the projector screen. "so, after our usual journal entry, we're going to be looking over some poems and then practice more on observing them for the ap exam. after that, we'll be talking about our reading of 1984 and more on the chapters. does that sound like a plan?" everyone in the classroom nods silently. "awesome! alright. let's get to the journal entry then, shall we?" everyone nods and you watch the projector change to show [[the journal entry theme for today]], opening your composition notebook that you had specifically for this class to write your answer. [[...shouldn't we take the opportunity to use our actual journal?]]

"if there was anything you wanted to tell your past self, what would it be? what would you like to ask your future self, given that they know more about your life than you do?" [[....]]

...i mean... you technically can. but she is grading your answers based on the fact that you particpated and took the time to answer it. so if you do decide to write in the time travel journal, you will have to copy what you have and write it down in the composition book... whether it be at home or before the end of the period. still wanna take that chance?? [[of course! i want to help nana with more of their decision making!]] [[...maybe not... too much work.->the journal entry theme for today]]

the bell rings and you look to the front where your kind english teacher is. she seems to be very enthusiastic about what the class objective will be for today. "hi there, everyone," she says with a warm smile, later looking at the white board where it showed the projector screen. "so, after our usual journal entry, we're going to be looking over some poems and then practice more on observing them for the ap exam. after that, we'll be talking about our reading of 1984 and more on the chapters. does that sound like a plan?" everyone in the classroom nods silently. "awesome! alright. let's get to the journal entry then, shall we?" everyone nods and you watch the projector change to show [[the journal entry theme for today]], opening your own journal as you put your composition notebook to the side.

what an ironic question, given your situation. in a sense, YOU are the future. the body that which you are in right now... is your past. no matter, though. you should be able to come up with an answer on your own. [[is it really me coming up with an answer if you're the one giving me the choices to write in?]]

... haha! you're right! i guess it is just mostly me, huh? anyways, you can use this as an opportunity to be an "entry" to turn back to. i promise you that the choice you make for this task WILL affect your future. so think wisely... so... what are you going to write to your past? [[a realistic answer.]] [[a positive answer.]] [[a goofy thing.]]

hey past nana. i'm going to let you know now that i'm going back in time to fix the fuck ups the "other" future you will make because of your mindset. i know that you're grieving over your mother, but if you think that relying on music as a way to heal with the grief and shape your future will help you... just know that it won't. especially if you're going to be surrounded by fuckers who think they have so much more knowledge in music than you do. you're going to be looked at as a fucking pathetic dreamer because of the fact that you only listen to singers who play on their ukuleles and also bts. no one will take you seriously if you tell them you're inspired by them... you know that, right? anyways, that's not the point. regardless of what people will say when you go on that seattle trip, don't go to the fucking school that you got a letter from. don't go to it just because it's right in the middle of the city. don't go to it just because you'll think it'll be a good escape from your shitty family here who will never treat you the way you want to be treated. that family over there will do the exact same bullshit in a different font. you're going to deal with gloomy cloudy days. you're going to want to kill yourself because you realize you don't have enough money to go all the way to seattle to go to that PRIVATE UNIVERSITY. don't do that. don't you fucking dare think of doing that. because you are going to fucking regret it. don't be fucking stupid. - future nana [[my my... that was quite a harsh answer]]

hi there, nana. it's me!! you from the future... i'm writing this in march of 2019 but the one writing this is actually from october. anyways, i hope you're excited for senior year!! i promise you it'll be a year you will not regret!! i'm time travelling in the past so that i can make sure that this will be THE best senior year you'll ever have and that you will appreciate every single thing about it in the future because it will positively shape it. i know life is really hard now, especially with your mental health and family... but trust me when i say that it will get better. i am trying to make it better for you... for <underline>us.</underline> i love you so much!!! - future nana [[aww! how cute! such a cute sport.]]

hi past nana u succ :P lol ummmmm u should really get into txt their music is pretty good also, never dye ur hair red. u will regret it bc u will look like a fucking tomato ass. and dont cut it either u look ugly as hell with short hair lol u'll think me later, shawty [[... ok ngl you kinda made me laugh w this. good to know you have a sense of humor.]]

what do you think you should ask your future self? [[ask about your love life.]] [[ask about your career.]] [[ask if you will be happier.]]

what do you think you should ask your future self? [[ask if you will finally date someone.]] [[ask about if you're going to achieve your goal as a musician.]] [[ask if you will be okay.]]

what do you think you should ask your future self? [[ask if you get laid or not.]] [[ask if you're making money in a non-miserable way.]] [[ask if things get better.]]

future nana, do you think i will be considered lovable in the future? do you think i deserve the right to be embraced? shown affection? do you think i am worthy of someone's attention?? do you think i...we will get the happiness of romance that we deserve? it feels kind of hopeless to hope for that if you ask me... but i'm still longing for it. i'm tired of not being loved. [[aw... my poor broken-hearted meow meow->good day ending start.]]

hey, future. can i ask you a question? do you think we will be able to make it in the future? do you think i'll be able to follow the hopeless dream that i once had before? i really want to make sure that this will be worth it for me in the end. i still long to save others and make them feel healed by my music, you know... maybe a part of me wants to try and still aim for that art school in seattle... but i doubt i'll be able to get that far. i don't know... i'm depending on you for the answers. just... just tell me if i'll be able to fulfill my destiny? [[that sounds quite desperate, babe...->euphoria ending start]]

hi, older version of me. ... i don't really know how to phrase this without being emotional and crying in the classroom but... i want you to know that... no matter what happens with whatever i do... i WILL always be proud of you. no matter what. what i'm aiming for after i finish all of this... is that our destination leads us to something that we'll be okay with in the long run. i don't want this to lead to the end for us. i just want to be assured... that we're going to be okay. [[wow...wow that hit home..->to my youth ending start]]

hi future future nana. nana from 2019 here. will you finally fall in love with someone? will they make you safe? will they make you happy? ... have i met them yet? i just want to know if i am lovable or not. that's all. [[wow!! sappy much? you're such a hopeless romantic.->good day ending start.]]

hi there! it's nana from the past... technically! i wanted to say that i'm trying really hard to change the outcome of what happens to us... so i wanted to ask if it was successful in any way. a part of me still wants to become a musician, so i was just wondering if that was... in your future? will you be able to make others happy like you hoped you would? were you able to save someone because of your music composition? i just want to know, really.... i want to make sure that all of this will be worth it for us. i don't want to let past nana down. you know what i mean, right? i hope that it all turns out well for you. [[what a very heartfelt letter. ->euphoria ending start]]

hi future me! i wanted to ask you personally if you think things will get better from here. i really really want to make sure that you and i will be satisfied with what we have in the future. i don't care about whether or not we follow our dreams that we had before. i don't care if we are able to get with someone and be happy with them forever and ever (though that would be nice) i just... i just want to make sure all this work... all this pain... i want it all to be worth it in the end. - 2019 nana [[oh boy... here come my waterworks...->to my youth ending start]]

hi me from the future please tell me we get bitches. please tell me we lose our virginity. i know we live with a catholic dad, but oh my fucking god i want to get my pussy ate. I WANT TO FUCK SOMEONE. FUCK. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS PUBERTY HORNINESS. PLEASE. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. PLEASE. [[...you are no different from a tween boy->good day ending start.]]

so uhhhh are we going to make some money? i still kinda wanna go for that music career, but i know it's a bit of a reach :/ i just kinda wanna make sure that this time travel shit will all be worth it. you understand, right? either way, i wish u the best w/ whatever ur doing. don't forget me!!!! [[very concise, i see.->euphoria ending start]]

hey so uh... i've gone through a lot of shit. i'm sure ur aware of that. i just want to ask if all of this will be ok i'm rlly tired of working and living life like i wanna kms like if things do not get better i WILL lose it. ykwim? i just hope ur going to be happier than i am. ofc ur still gonna be mentally ill, but... i just hope u'll get therapy and shit!!! ...yeah! [[quite compassionate, might i say....->to my youth ending start]]

thankfully as soon as you finish, you hear the three minute timer go off. this was now your opportunity to talk amongst your group and discuss your answers with them. of course, your answers are a little... personal. you obviously can't go into depth about your letter from your past self. your answer for the future, however, can be told right off the bat! after all, i'm sure no one will question it. what do you decide to do? [[sugarcoat my answer to the past.]] [[honestly state my question to the future.]]

thankfully as soon as you finish, you hear the three minute timer go off. this was now your opportunity to talk amongst your group and discuss your answers with them. of course, your answers are a little... personal. you obviously can't go into depth about your letter from your past self. your answer for the future, however, can be told right off the bat! after all, i'm sure no one will question it. what do you decide to do? [[a white lie about my past wouldn't hurt...]] [[i don't know... nana might be a bad liar..]]

thankfully as soon as you finish, you hear the three minute timer go off. this was now your opportunity to talk amongst your group and discuss your answers with them. of course, your answers are a little... personal. you obviously can't go into depth about your letter from your past self. your answer for the future, however, can be told right off the bat! after all, i'm sure no one will question it. what do you decide to do? [[i think i kinda wanna vaguely talk about past me.]] [[maybe they won't think differently of me depending on what i say about the future.]]

you wait for the others to share their answers before you give your own. "oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.]] [[i just called them stupid]]

"i asked future self about what my love life would be like, basically," you answer with a nod. "mainly because i've been... so lonely my whole entire life. i just want to see if there really is a possibility of me finding love and... finding the one that will make me happy." simon snorts. "don't think it'll be really any different from what you've gone through up to this point." ryanne laughs in response to simon's snarky comment and madison frowns before giving you an apologetic look. [[great... you made a fool out of yourself.]]

you wait for the others to share their answers before you give your own. "oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[that things are good and i will continue to try and make them better.]] [[i told them that they need to get their act together]] [[oh i just made fun of them]]

"i asked if i'd be able to become the musician i'd want to be in the future," you answer faithfully. "it's been like... my dream to be a musician who makes others happy and moves them. i've always wanted to make music that makes others feel like... they're being comforted, you know? and that they're not alone. so i just wanted to make sure i'm able to do that faithfully." there's a long silence that follows after that... that is, until madison starts to speak. "that's really inspiring, nana," he says with a soft smile. "i hope that you'll be able to get to that point, too. i'm rooting for you!" "thank you," you say with a big smile before you turn over to the others. ... [[there's silence. and it's very disappointing.]]

you wait for the others to share their answers before you give your own. "oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[that i am proud of them and i want to make sure that we enjoy this part of our life together!]] [[i told them to be realistic about their future because they're delusional]] [[i told them they're gay]]

"i just..." you sigh, finding yourself hesitating to continue because you're afraid you will look... too depressed. granted, this whole entire table is also not the most mentally stable group. you've all indicated that to each other in past classes together... you take a deep breath before you continue. "i asked myself if... if they were happier. and if i had something to look forward to, in the future," you finally answer. "obviously, when i wrote it, i was just mainly hoping that they would be okay in the long run. and that.. if they're satisfied." there's a long silence that follows after that. .... [[in fact, no words are spoken until your teacher speaks up to get everyone in the class's attention.]]

"well, since i'm really with how my life is going so far..." you start, smiling a little as you keep your identity as a cool ass time traveller secret, "i was just basically telling past me about how life is getting really good for me! and that i'm really happy with where it's going and that i hope better things will come for the both of us!" "oh.." simon says blankly. "that's cute!" ryanne says with a little bit of enthusiasm. "i hope we can help make it better!" madison says with a genuine, soft smile. ... [[so those two are clearly unimpressed.]]

"well, i just..." you laugh a little. "i've... i've gone through quite the amount of stuff because of their carelessness and i just wanted to let them know that they really should be more careful or something before they make a decision. just like... think of all the possibilities, you know? i don't want to cause myself any more suffering than i've already gone through." "that makes sense," madison answers with a nod. he gives you an empathetic look. "i feel the same, too. i'm glad that you were able to vent your frustrations out about that situation somehow." the other two do not respond. ... [[ and all of a sudden, you feel dread wash over you. ]]

"oh... i just made fun of them. that's really it," you answer with a laugh. "you know... because of the random phase? and also all sorts of cringy shit that they did that set a bad impression on people? i just wished i could go back and just... smack them on the head." the two laugh at you and just by looking at their expression, you couldn't help but feel as though... they were laughing at you. your friend looks over at you with a sympathetic look on his face. ... great... [[you just did mentioned cringy shit.]]

not u going through a whole chapter where u get a little more closer to ur crush who is a CISGENDER HETEROSEXUAL WHITE BOY IN THEATER and calling urself GAY. .. i mean to be fair, nana's sexuality is techncially undetermined atp... they kinda have no preference. they are just simply trying to love! <3 anyways that's not the point. [[go to the point.]]

"oh... i just made fun of them. that's really it," you answer with a laugh. "you know... because of the random phase? and also all sorts of cringy shit that they did that set a bad impression on people? i just wished i could go back and just... smack them on the head." the two laugh at you and just by looking at their expression, you couldn't help but feel as though... they were laughing at you. your friend looks over at you with a sympathetic look on his face. [[so not to be that person, but man... if i were you, i'd want to kill myself right at the spot.]]

wow... it sucks because... you really put a lot into your answer. and even i recognize that. it really stinks... especially with the fact that nana has dealt with this time and time again. they've been bullied a lot in the past and treated differently because of how they acted around others. it got so bad to the point where they developed social anxiety disorder, which then was accompanied with depression. ... that's partially the reason why you are introduced to them as they isolate themselves from everyone else. because they know that if they tell the truth, people will look down on them. they will feel... like a failure. [[.... we can't end this here.->good day end this]]

... i mean... i feel like you should've seen this coming. your answers were kinda... cringy on its own. it really sucks, though... especially with the fact that nana has dealt with this treatment time and time again. they've been bullied a lot in the past and treated differently because of how they acted around others. it got so bad to the point where they developed social anxiety disorder, which then was accompanied with depression. ... that's partially the reason why you are introduced to them as they isolate themselves from everyone else. because they know that if they tell the truth, people will look down on them. they will feel... like a failure. [[.... we can't end this here.->good day end this]]

as everyone in the class shifts their attention to the front where your teacher is, you take the opportunity to move your hand over the words you've written in your journal and put your entire focus into that. you close your eyes... and you put yourself back in that past situation. you are writing your answer... you are going to say what you want to say... [[you will impress them.]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[the lie for the past.]] [[the truth for the future.]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[let's be hopeful with the past.]] [[let's be honest with the future.]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->gdpos1]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->gdreal1]] [[i just called them stupid->gdfool1]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->u4pos1]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->u4real1]] [[i just called them stupid->u4fool1]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->tmypos1]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->tmyreal1]] [[i just called them stupid->tmyfool1]]

you could've sworn it would work this time. you did things differently, after all! shit... maybe we should just accept this as it is. i don't think they'll ever be impressed. [[again.->gdloop]]

the same shit happens again. [[okay let's skip.->gdskip]]

you could've sworn it would work this time. you did things differently, after all! shit... maybe we should just accept this as it is. i don't think they'll ever be impressed. [[again.->u4loop]]

you could've sworn it would work this time. you did things differently, after all! shit... maybe we should just accept this as it is. i don't think they'll ever be impressed. [[again.->tmyloop]]

let's bring it back from the top... but fast forward a little. [[okay let's skip.->u4skip]]

lalala.... i'm going back in time... lalala... [[let's skip.->tmyskip]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[the lie for the past.->gdlie1]] [[the truth for the future.->gdtruth1]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->gdpos2]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->gdreal2]] [[i just called them stupid->gdfool2]]

ready to throw in the towel? [[not yet.->gdloop2]]

i don't think you're making a wise decision. but okay. i'll guess we'll [[rewind.->gdskip2]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[the lie for the past.->gdlie2]] [[the truth for the future.->gdtruth2]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->u4pos2]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->u4real2]] [[i just called them stupid->u4fool2]]

ready to throw in the towel? [[not yet.->u4loop2]]

i don't think you're making a wise decision. but okay. i'll guess we'll [[rewind.->u4skip2]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[let's be hopeful with the past.->tmylie1]] [[let's be honest with the future.->tmytruth1]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->tmypos2]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->tmyreal2]] [[i just called them stupid->tmyfool2]]

ready to throw in the towel? [[not yet.->tmyloop2]]

i don't think you're making a wise decision. but okay. i'll guess we'll [[rewind.->tmyskip2]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. okay... here goes nothing. you clear your throat. what should you say? [[let's be hopeful with the past.->tmylie2]] [[let's be honest with the future.->tmytruth2]]

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->gdpos3]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->gdreal3]] [[i just called them stupid->gdfool3]]

... [[loop and skip.->gdstop]]

<h1>STOP.</h1> ...[[huh??->gdrewindfin]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. "...nana, your nose is @@color:red;bleeding.@@" you blink in shock when you suddenly become aware of the red liquid dripping out of your nose. in shock, you stand up immediately and you look to your professor, who stares at you in shock and panic. not only that, but the whole entire class is staring at you too. great. just great. "uhh... can i go to the bathroom?" she points to the door automatically. "you do not need to ask, nana. just go." [[and so... you leave the room.->gdbaff]]

<h1>now you're experiencing the side effects, huh? know that this is because of [[your own actions->gdch6]].</h1>

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->u4pos3]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->u4real3]] [[i just called them stupid->u4fool3]]

... [[loop and skip.->u4stop]]

<h1>STOP.</h1> ...[[huh??->u4rewindfin]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. "...nana, your nose is @@color:red;bleeding.@@" you blink in shock when you suddenly become aware of the red liquid dripping out of your nose. in shock, you stand up immediately and you look to your professor, who stares at you in shock and panic. not only that, but the whole entire class is staring at you too. great. just great. "uhh... can i go to the bathroom?" she points to the door automatically. "you do not need to ask, nana. just go." [[and so... you leave the room.->u4baff]]

<h1>now you're experiencing the side effects, huh? know that this is because of [[your own actions->u4ch6]].</h1>

"oh yeah. so um... basically i told my past self..." [[some positive things about my life.->tmypos3]] [[i tried to give them a little pep talk.->tmyreal3]] [[i just called them stupid->tmyfool3]]

... [[loop and skip.->tmystop]]

<h1>STOP.</h1> ...[[huh??->tmyrewindfin]]

... you open your eyes, and just like that: you're back to a classroom full of chatter as the other groups talk to each other about their answers. you look over at your group and listen to them discuss their answers and then when they finish, they look to you. "...nana, your nose is @@color:red;bleeding.@@" you blink in shock when you suddenly become aware of the red liquid dripping out of your nose. in shock, you stand up immediately and you look to your professor, who stares at you in shock and panic. not only that, but the whole entire class is staring at you too. great. just great. "uhh... can i go to the bathroom?" she points to the door automatically. "you do not need to ask, nana. just go." [[and so... you leave the room.->tmybaff]]

<h1>now you're experiencing the side effects, huh? know that this is because of [[your own actions->tmych6]].</h1>

to be continued... [[main menu]]